WTF

http://video.nytimes.com/video/2009/04/27/world/1194839708301/a-pakistani-underworld.html

unbelievable. A friend showed it to me and I'm still shocked!

A deadly video!

Hijab

Thats how we roll!

'bahir tyre jal rahein hogein. andar hum patients ker rahein hogein'
thats the motto at School.
Things are bad in the city. Very unstable. So any way i came home early and i'm watching the little rascals. Boy i love that movie=)
So if i was in a cool medical school like ziadueen i would be celebrating what these idiots call 't1/2' because i am officially half way through dental school. The feeling has just sunk in. =)
Manchester united won the 1st leg of the semi of the champions league last night against arsenal=). 1-0 thats not much considering it was at home but now arsenal have got to beat manu by 2 clear goals at emirates which they havent done in over 20 years. so things are looking good.
On other sports front. The IPL isn't as much fun as it was last year. there's just something about cricket in the subcontinent. Its electrifying. The crowd. the noise, the music. In southafrica its just another cool cricket fest. Idiots drinking beer and not moving an inch to celebrate every ball like it should be done.
I have just realized what a lame ass post this is=P but who cares. I have nothing to do but sit and watch a movie I have already watched a million times.
Oh and i Didn't go to lahore. Cancelled my ticket at the last minute. I don't know what i was thinking. Oh well I wasn't thinking. All i knew is that I didnt want to go. weird I know.
So anyway yeh that's it. Incase anyone was interested.
I'l try to write more darker unhappy things next time.
Peace

Charlie The Unicorn

Suffocating in doubt, I can't make a sound

I'm feeling very insecure right now and I don't know why. It's like I'm in conflict with myself, and am trying to find ways to be unhappy. I don't like it. I feel worthless and sad and like I want to cry, but I don't because I'm incapable of crying again. I just cleared my 2nd year and I should be jumping with joys but I'm actually unhappy!
I'm feeling needy, like I need some attention from someone. It's weird for me to feel this way, because more often than not I'm very happy in my own company, in my own solitude. I don't often crave attention, but right now I really need it from someone, I need someone to need me. I sound pathetic. I feel pathetic. Only, I can't help but need something, someone right now.

I know I'll snap out of it and feel better soon, but in this moment I feel useless and pathetic

lets delay our misery =)

I got this email a few days ago meaning to paste it here but never got the time! I never knew I was that good a person: p

Every time I read your blog a new person emerges in front of me. I want the world to know how amazing you are, how happy you are even if that’s a mask or a face you put on. You light up a room. You make people around you want to be better people and I can say that with conviction because you make me want to be a better person. I know this is corny even for us but I wanted you and everyone else to know that whatever you write comes from somewhere else. I see you and I see that you are happy. You have a wonderful life, amazing parents and a few good friends. It’s a shame you need a blog to take your frustrations out and bitch about me and other people. You can totally bitch about me on my face because that’s the kind of relationship we have! Since the day I’ve known you you’ve been an awesome friend to me. 22 years of my life and I have not come across someone like you. You have become my best friend in the short time (I say short because you seem to think 3 years is short) I’ve known you. You are selfless, talented, honest, intelligent and above all a good human being. You think people hate you because you speak your mind. That is not true. I agree they hate you but that’s because they envy you and they want to be like you. Who wouldn’t? And the fact that you can say what is in your head is the best quality in you. You don’t lie about what you think or what you feel but I never knew what you really feel you never expressed. All that you write is so dark and I know that’s not how you think of the world. You must still believe that there is good out there. I know school frustrates you because deep down you know you are too good for it. You deserve to be in a better place but sometimes you have got to be a big fish in a small pond, and trust me you are. No one even comes close to you.
Ok that was all the good I’ve ever said to you. I would’ve messaged (: p) our way of doing things but I had a lot to say so I emailed. I worry and i want you to be safe.
Be who you are. Start playing football again because it keeps you happy and sane and bitch if you got something to say about me next time say it on my face!

=) wow.. i really never knew.. i know it seems like I'm bragging or boasting about myself by putting this up but it made me happy and I wanted to put it up. I know a few of my friends read my blog so I want all of you to know. You guys are great. really =) and I am happy. sometimes life pisses you off and people have different ways of getting over it. Mine is to write. ! And i truly believe that the only way to fix it is to flush it away!

I never asked you..but you continued to smile(take 2)

"hey..happy birthday to me"

'oh hey..ummm happy birthday. i hope you have a good day. I thought you weren't a birthday person.'

"well it's always good to get a wish from someone you want a wish from ;)=P"
"what now you won't reply. sweet. I thought we were friends"

'WERE being the key word here.. anyway I'm busy. I hope you had a blast'

"you don't have time for me on my birthday. and whats this crap about were and blah blah. stop being such a girl"

'you dickhead I am a girl' is what I should have replied, but as usual i kept my mouth shut and politely said bye.

Moral of the story: MEN are assholes! Avoid!

Blame it on a saturday!

I'm just reminded of my annoyance and disgust at people and society in my days lately. It's hard to just keep up the friendliness that I've been trying to encourage in myself. Not that I've been particularly unfriendly. No point in spreading that to others. It's frustrating. Mildly. I remember nights.....I remember nights when I was angry, when I was too hot to even feel annoyance or disgust such as I do now, I was too all-consumed in my anger. Just remembering reminds me...reminds me that I still burn, that I'm still as hot as the flames of the bonfire, else I would be dead; I would have ended my life long ago.
What I'm saying is I don't understand people. I feel different from them. I am different from them. Even at the times when I'm most happy, like these last few days, I experience it in inhuman sorts of ways.
Power? What for? I don't want things. Things are things. If I didn't have a computer to write on, to do things on, I'd have a journal and books. If not that, I'd still think it and I'd be lost in my head as I was when I was a child.
Real love, the sort that's beyond words. The love we read of, speak of but never see. I really can't think of anything else that isn't already obvious.
I don't fit in, not even in that stage role. I have no desire to manipulate and twist the people around me.
Hatred, violence, those things don't speak to me. They make me realize the good in me, they make me realize I'm human, I'm alive.

No donuts and lots of waiting for patients

I haven't had donuts in over 3-4 months, which is weird!
Anyho I finally did a class I the other day. '38' it was hell on earth. The guy had hyper salivation and a huge tongue =P which kept getting in the way and shazil is the worst assistant ever. He didn't help with the suction at all. The cavity preparation was easier than filling. I couldn't get proper isolation which meant GIC couldn't be applied and the patient was getting agitated and I finally had to shout at him to keep his tongue in control because handling 2 mirrors and a condenser is not easy!
Yesterday i assisted one of the house officers on an impacted 3rd molar surgery. i got to hold the retracters and the elevators. =D. It was a lot of fun.
And tomorrow we finally have a test on the first 3 chapters of soames so studies have started.
Saru is leaving for la-whore in 2 days. I'm not going to get to see her even on the weekend now. The conference got postponed to 2nd may and we already booked our tickets and I was going to go a little early so me and saru could party but now that is all messed up too.
The result wont come. I don't know when those idiots at KU will get up their ass and do some compiling and release the result!
Champions league tonight. Liverpool vs chelsea and I'm hoping this leg is just as awesome as the 1st one.
And i am climbing the leader board on word challenge on facebook. 6th baby..yeh
so that was the update!

the good..the bad and the ugly!

Lost=writers on crack
School=awesome
Manchester united=ugghhh
scrubs=forced
my recently played list=sex
stomach pains=pain
new twitter thing=annoying
dancing with the stars=forged
new t-shirts=hot
nandos=home
oral surgery department=where dreams are born
operative department=waiting line

=D

Turn 'em back 5 years

We had another one of those BBQ/bitch about people nights =D
It made me realize how fast everything goes. The "Remember when we were in zuby paan shops class and studying neuro for the first time?" was back in October 2007 and it's April 2009 now.
It also made me realize that feeling of a big change hadn't left me quite like I thought it did. It was just taking a break for a bit while I got my affairs in order. Well, it must be impatient because my affairs are still scrambled and it's totally back-lingering on my shoulder reminding me, ever so subtly, that life is going to change. I wish I knew what it was. I have a few feelings, but I can't pin point it to one. Damn, I wish this wasn't so complicated, but then again, complicated is my style these days.
I know 21 is still really young, but it just used to sound so old when I was younger. It's my prime, my youth, the part of my life I was going to cherish, screw up, regret, love, and grow from, and for some reason I feel like if I stay in my current situation, I won't get that.
I never accredited myself much to the basis of running away from my problems but I'm doing it now. Have been for a while now. And it's a damn shame.

Anyho, the BBQ was awesome. we sat in the balcony for hours talking about the most random crap. Then we watched duplicity. Not a bad movie actually. And shazil is a great cook. The food was out of this world. I don't remember eating so much in the recent times =D

The teams going to la-whore for a football tourney organized by LUMS and like always i can't go. Not that i want to considering I don't even play anymore but it's knowing that they are going and playing and all that kills me.
I watched a football match after ages yesterday, it was an amazing match and I hated it, for very obvious reasons of course. So thank you for nothing!

David After Dentist

The good times =)

Today after a very very long time we had an amazing day at school. Me saru and shazil laughed our butts off! Mainly because amby was acting like her usual retarded self. We hardly have any lectures on Friday but today we did and the most funniest possible teachers came. First DR.Muzzi who cried in 1st year when he came to teach us cvs in physio. He's teaching medicine this year and much to our delight. So amby is listening to songs on her cell phone at full volume and i'm sitting 2 seats away from her and i can even hear it so i tell saru to unplug her head phone wire so the music would start blasting from her phone and i don't know what got into saru but she actually did and amby was listening to let it rock.. boy did muzzi get pissed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. then all those 'nawab yaar khan boys' are talking and pointing at him so he gets pissed and goes like 'so your class crosses the lines and the limits sometimes', and i went to shazil dude what does he mean by crosses the limits??? what like we see him in a weird way or touch him in the wrong places? and shazil couldn't control his laughter so he got kicked out of class =P.
Then this new oral path teacher who has thing of saying 'theek hai' after every word literally so i decided to count the times she says 'theek hai' in a 20 minute lecture that woman said 'theek hai' 276 times. unbelievable.
Then we're on break and amby suddenly comes up to us and says "GUYS I LOOK GHOST" and we were literally rolling on the floor laughing.
Then amby tries to crack a joke:
'whats the similarity between pringles and sex?'
i go like man i don't know since I've never had sex.
so amby goes like ohhh like i have. anyway .. once you pop it u cant stop.
and we go like what the??? Lame
so shazil decides to be more lame. ' whats the similarity between Mcdonalds and sex
'i'm loving it ... oh wait better.. whats the similarity between KFC and sex... finger licking good.'
And then shazil got a kick in the nuts from saru!

Aaaa...what a day.. flashback to 1st year when life was all fun and games in the lecture halls!