"Intimacy isn't something that comes easily to you. At least not now that you've had time to tuck a couple of years under your belt and learn how fickle some people can be. There's someone in your life at the moment, however, who seems not just sincere, but also legitimately interested in you. At this point, you can trust your own judgment and you know it."

=)

And she's married... it was amazing. I have never ever seen a bride look so beautiful. We all know saru is hot but boy did she look stunning last night. MashAllah =)

I tried to be normal. not cry like a baby but once i saw her and hugged her to congratulate her..the water works began. No one could believe that I was crying :p mainly cause in the 4 years of knowing me none of them has seen me cry. ever.

And zain did not help the cause. 'gd will it ever be the same. Will the 3 of us ever hang out like it used to be.' And i started again. :p

She's going to move to the US after a year and a half and that's all the time we have left. Despite the shit that has gone down it's me and saru. I don't really know how to deal with this. I've let go of friends before but that's by choice and I still get to see their stinking faces. Saru is moving away and I wasn't prepared for this.

But I'm extremely happy for her. Dasa(Asad) is an amazing guy. He worships the ground saru walks on literally and he will make her more happy than she can ever imagine!

The wedding was beautiful and I am not a wedding person so coming from me it means a lot. We danced till 4 in the morning. Then coffee and fries at marriot. It doesn't get better than that=)

So here's to saru. One of my best friends. My whore, my slut, my drama queen. Here's to The end of all controversies. I know you'll have a wonderful life. Off to Florida baby. I love ya=)

The way we were...

It's amazing how things change in a few months. 6 months ago i couldn't even imagine that a day would go by that i wouldn't see or talk to saru and now it's been over a month since i've seen her. And we barely talk to each other! There are days when i break down and go into a state of pure depression or desperation over how i can't change it or make things go back to normal or the way they were atleast and there are days when i'm ok and i think it had to happen sooner or later and the sooner the better.. I spent 2 of the best years of my life with her! There were times when i was knee deep in shit and saru was there when noone was. Even when i didn't want her to be around she was there to make sure i was ok. She helped me through possibly the most pathetic time in my life, she helped me get over it move passed it. She was there to clean up my mess emotionally and literally! And then for some reasons which now seem stupid it all changed. I couldn't get past my own issues to accept her as she was. She couldn't get past her ego to come up to me and make things right. And now as they stand she's getting married on saturday and i haven't even talked or met the guy. What made me write this post. Well i just read a message in my phone from december 27th from sarah which said ' i know but tada ur my best friend and i can't date a guy if u don't like him. U have to meet him and u have to like him. Come outside for just an hour. Please tada' so ya that was for a guy she wanted to date. And now she's getting married.

I guess this is real or real enough.

I guess this is real or real enough. What's happening? I don't know. I'm so lost right now. What is this? Like some kind of twist in the already complicated script that we had all written for ourselves. Not just for me but for all of us. Every single one of us.
I thought it was simple and clear. But apparently it’s not. Saru is getting married in a week. Total, complete shock. I was gone 10 days and the world changed around me! I don’t know if people collide for a reason, or if it’s all random. Maybe there’s a lesson in here somewhere, but more likely, it just is what it is.
These are the times I want to scream at the top of my lungs but end up whispering to myself that everything's going to be all right. I knew things were changing but this is a complete turn from the norm. I wish I could go back to the vacation days, I could escape maybe take a walk and just sit on the beach... But I know I'd still be looking for faces in the sand or in the surf. I just really don't know what I have left to do... days are dull and boring, friends don't seem to be there and this cellphone feels like a paperweight in my pocket. I'm not going out there to say I'm just going to end it... but god damn would I kill for some direction. ; I'm having trouble finding the softness of not-so-long-ago.

I'm tired of investing into relationships and friendships and then seeing them go down the drain. I need to prepare myself for more unexpected turns coming my way. I should have known better than to assume that it was all coming to a settlement for all of us. I'm tired of waiting to see what happens.

We knew it was only a matter of time..

I went to my first college picnic. It's a tradition at college and I never went. This year I was convinced by a couple of house officers who I've become friends with to go.I ended up having a lot of FUN!. They are a little weird but ummm they are my seniors and well I learn stuff from them. It was their last picnic with college and they have been going regularly every year since 1st year. Yesterday was very sad for them.

Farah said to me 'man this is it, this is the end of an era. I've spent 5 years with these guys, these teachers, they've become my best friends my mentors. This is sad. Shit sad'.

I didn't know what to say to her. I felt pretty bad. I'm not ready to go through that separation, changing schools, ending school shit again. I did it 3 years ago and it didn't turn out good.

You're glorifying this misperception

I realized a while ago, and took the walls down... but sometimes I think it was better with them, not for my sake, but so I wouldn't hurt other people...

Accessible friends get tough as we age, especially after school or college. Every single person is busy with something. At least for now I can blame distance for not getting what I want.
So many times I've wanted to go back to being a kid for just a day so I could get rid of my worries and have no responsibilities. But recently I've realized that I don't think I'd want to spend more than a day reliving my childhood.I'd make a different set of choices may lead to alternate future outcomes, but then what would I miss? I'd miss all the people I know now, all the experiences I've had It would be incredibly hard to live that life over again for me, especially knowing what I know now . . . knowing what the "future" holds. and who knows maybe I'd be in a more shittier state than I am right now!