"we're okay right? like not that yeah we are cause it doesn't matter... The other one where we are actually okay!"
'What makes you say that. Every year on my birthday i get the same message from you.'
"Some regrets never go away i guess."
'What regrets'
"The fact that i couldn't keep our friendship the way it used to be"
'Time does change everything. We can't ever go back to being what we were but now we have a different kind of relationship. I don't know if we're friends or what but you're there and i can't avoid you and i can't let you go.Atleast we are in each others life still'
"that's good to hear.'
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
I never asked you,but you continued to smile!
So it's not easy to get over someone when you see them ever so often!
It starts with the simplest of things. a joke being cracked or a thing being said and he's the one person you want to rush to and tell it to cause you know he's the only one who'll understand it!
I remember how suddenly my world revolved around him. The urge to talk,message was undeniable.I buried myself with the usual:friends,family,school,football but i couldn't get him out of my head.
I still shrug it away or at least try to, cause like all the other times before I think its just a phase, but it wont go away. I've fallen and i've fallen hard this time!
Ten million things stopped me. i don't know anything about him but my heart makes me think that I've known him for years!
I know it's not going anywhere,leading to no good. he's not the kind to express his feelings neither am I, but I cant stop myself.the feelings bloody good. i haven't felt it in too long.
He said he isn't aware of how good he makes me feel or how good I make him feel. He said he's not ready for it all.
so I wait for fate to take its course.till then the usual script
me,school,friends,football!
It starts with the simplest of things. a joke being cracked or a thing being said and he's the one person you want to rush to and tell it to cause you know he's the only one who'll understand it!
I remember how suddenly my world revolved around him. The urge to talk,message was undeniable.I buried myself with the usual:friends,family,school,football but i couldn't get him out of my head.
I still shrug it away or at least try to, cause like all the other times before I think its just a phase, but it wont go away. I've fallen and i've fallen hard this time!
Ten million things stopped me. i don't know anything about him but my heart makes me think that I've known him for years!
I know it's not going anywhere,leading to no good. he's not the kind to express his feelings neither am I, but I cant stop myself.the feelings bloody good. i haven't felt it in too long.
He said he isn't aware of how good he makes me feel or how good I make him feel. He said he's not ready for it all.
so I wait for fate to take its course.till then the usual script
me,school,friends,football!
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Teen auctions virginity for £50k
By VIKKI THOMAS
A TEENAGER is selling her virginity online to pay her college fees – but she has a long way to go before reaching her target of £50,000.
Eighteen-year-old Alina Percea is offering a weekend of unprotected sex but has only drawn bids of £5,000 so far and has just three days to go.
The brunette, from Caracal in Olt county, Romania, posted her advert on a German dating website saying: “I want to meet a gentle, respectful and generous man.
"I have a gynaecologist’s certificate proving I’m a virgin."
Providing the winning bidder has a health certificate showing that he is free of disease, Alina will forgo the use of condoms.
She hopes that through the auction she will meet her HUSBAND.
She said: “I want the first time I have sex to be special so I wouldn’t want it to be a quickie.
“The man who proves the most generous can stay with me for a full weekend but he has to pay for everything if we travel and stay in a hotel.”
I'm still shocked at this. I think i have to stop reading the papers. Specially the international one's. Stupid beyond belief.This is a sad state of affairs.Hopes to meet a husband? what the hell is she talking about!
A TEENAGER is selling her virginity online to pay her college fees – but she has a long way to go before reaching her target of £50,000.
Eighteen-year-old Alina Percea is offering a weekend of unprotected sex but has only drawn bids of £5,000 so far and has just three days to go.
The brunette, from Caracal in Olt county, Romania, posted her advert on a German dating website saying: “I want to meet a gentle, respectful and generous man.
"I have a gynaecologist’s certificate proving I’m a virgin."
Providing the winning bidder has a health certificate showing that he is free of disease, Alina will forgo the use of condoms.
She hopes that through the auction she will meet her HUSBAND.
She said: “I want the first time I have sex to be special so I wouldn’t want it to be a quickie.
“The man who proves the most generous can stay with me for a full weekend but he has to pay for everything if we travel and stay in a hotel.”
I'm still shocked at this. I think i have to stop reading the papers. Specially the international one's. Stupid beyond belief.This is a sad state of affairs.Hopes to meet a husband? what the hell is she talking about!
Saturday, March 21, 2009
I write this with some meaning to you..to us!
The one day I miss school all the teachers decide to come on time and we have all the lectures. I mean seriously, talk about bad luck! DR wahab taught everything under the sun related to lesions and ulcers. Dr ashok decided to be nice and actually answer our questions and there was so much I had to ask him. And i missed the surgery. Dr hassan was going to take a sample from this patient with squamous cell carcinoma.
My patient last week had OSF(oral submucous fibrosis) so it was good to scare him and educate him. I got a pat on my back from Dr Wahab for catching it. =D
So anyway crabbing was an adventure and a learning experience of sorts =P. He's out of my life for good. yes all 6 foot 4 inches of him! He made me feel sea sick which is quite a skill to have .. ok given we were on sea but still. I never feel sea sick! While games were being played... hearts screwed.. I can say that I understood his nature but yet at the same time fell victim to it. But that was then. This is now and now I will be over him!
Stupid allergies of mine.. I'll be getting IgG shots every week and I'll be starting montelukast(anti leukotriene) from today. I feel like an old woman taking so many medicines every morning.
My patient last week had OSF(oral submucous fibrosis) so it was good to scare him and educate him. I got a pat on my back from Dr Wahab for catching it. =D
So anyway crabbing was an adventure and a learning experience of sorts =P. He's out of my life for good. yes all 6 foot 4 inches of him! He made me feel sea sick which is quite a skill to have .. ok given we were on sea but still. I never feel sea sick! While games were being played... hearts screwed.. I can say that I understood his nature but yet at the same time fell victim to it. But that was then. This is now and now I will be over him!
Stupid allergies of mine.. I'll be getting IgG shots every week and I'll be starting montelukast(anti leukotriene) from today. I feel like an old woman taking so many medicines every morning.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Oral Cancer Risk Factors and Diagnosis
Oral Cancer Risk Factors and Diagnosis
Warning symptoms and accurate tests make it easier to find oral cancer early on.
By Chris Iliades, MD
Medically reviewed by Kevin O. Hwang, MD, MPH
About 35,000 people are diagnosed with oral cancer every year , which is roughly 2 percent of all cancers. Men are more than twice as likely to get oral cancer as women, and African-American men have a higher risk than any other Americans.
"Risk factors for lip and oral cancer include excessive sun exposure, tobacco, and excessive alcohol use," says Scott McLean, MD, director of the head and neck cancer program at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit.
Oral cancer starts in the cells that line the inside of the mouth, and can form on the lips, inside the cheeks, on the gums, the tongue, the bony palate, or the surfaces underneath the tongue. "Lip and oral cancer can occur on any surface lining the lips and oral cavity," explains Dr. McLean.
Oral Cancer Symptoms to Watch
Be aware of these signs; any of them can be an early oral cancer symptom:
* A sore in the mouth that doesn't heal
* A lump or mass in the mouth or in the neck
* Bleeding in the mouth
* White, red, or white-and-red patches in the mouth that don't go away
* Pain while swallowing, chewing, or talking, or pain felt in the ear
* Difficulty swallowing
* Difficulty wearing dentures
The most important thing to know is that oral cancer can be treated much more easily and successfully when caught early. "Many patients do not seek treatment until a lump in the neck develops, which is an indication that the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes in the neck," notes McLean. If you have any of the above symptoms lasting for more than two weeks, see your doctor immediately.
Oral Cancer: Making the Diagnosis
"Diagnosis is made using physical exam, CT scan, and biopsy. Sometimes the biopsy can be done in the office, but patients may require a surgical procedure to take an adequate sample," says McLean. To decide where to take a sample from your mouth, your doctor may use a special dye called toluidine blue, which stains oral cancer cells blue. The doctor may also use special lighting to examine suspicious areas in the mouth and pinpoint the affected tissue. Another option is a brush biopsy. During this procedure, the doctor scrapes cells from the mouth with a brush and then views them under a microscope.
In the future, a simple kind of saliva test might be used to find oral cancer even earlier. According to a study published in 2008 in the journal Clinical Cancer Research, certain kinds of protein biomarkers are found in the saliva of people with oral cancer. The researchers collected saliva samples from 64 healthy people and 64 people with oral cancers. They found the biomarkers in the saliva of 93 percent of the oral cancer patients.
Not smoking and avoiding heavy use of alcohol are the best ways of preventing oral cancer. Knowing oral cancer symptoms and signs is important for detecting the disease early. Remember to always see your doctor or dentist if any possible oral cancer symptoms last for more than two weeks.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Happy Birthday to me!
I hate to say this.. but I think I'm going to have to stop being so Emo here. It portrays me a this depressing suicidal person and yesterday i realized I'm not.
I am in a great school. I finish top of my class. I have awesome friends and the most loving parents ever. Yes they might go a little crazy but who doesn't. I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It took one ummm no two crazy drunken parties and an insane and completely drunk shehrish to make me realize that. So yeah I've decided that Overall, I am going to love my life. Some parts are really stressful.. but I'm going to take deep breaths and let it pass before I rush off and find something that would kill off the anxiety. I'm going to ignore the thoughts in my mind and calm my soul when the madness arises. No more drinking to kill the pain, no more doping to give someone company.
It's just nice to step back and think every once in awhile... and when I really think about it, life isn't all that horrible and mean and nasty. There is good in this world, you just have to look for it and hold onto it.
I always took it wrong when people told me I've changed. I always thought that I was at fault.Well here's the honest truth. I grew up.People said I've changed so much. well here's the honest truth. I grew up.I learned that you can't always be happy. I accepted reality. And i accepted that life isn't all fun and games.
So here's to going back to being me!
I am in a great school. I finish top of my class. I have awesome friends and the most loving parents ever. Yes they might go a little crazy but who doesn't. I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It took one ummm no two crazy drunken parties and an insane and completely drunk shehrish to make me realize that. So yeah I've decided that Overall, I am going to love my life. Some parts are really stressful.. but I'm going to take deep breaths and let it pass before I rush off and find something that would kill off the anxiety. I'm going to ignore the thoughts in my mind and calm my soul when the madness arises. No more drinking to kill the pain, no more doping to give someone company.
It's just nice to step back and think every once in awhile... and when I really think about it, life isn't all that horrible and mean and nasty. There is good in this world, you just have to look for it and hold onto it.
I always took it wrong when people told me I've changed. I always thought that I was at fault.Well here's the honest truth. I grew up.People said I've changed so much. well here's the honest truth. I grew up.I learned that you can't always be happy. I accepted reality. And i accepted that life isn't all fun and games.
So here's to going back to being me!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
Manchester United have been rocked by their defeat to Liverpool.
England defender Ferdinand said: "We have got a rude awakening.
Even though it was the biggest home defeat since 1992 I still believe Manchester United are on course for winning the premier league. Not only the premier league but the rest of the 4 titles. It could be a memorable season.
Even though it was the biggest home defeat since 1992 I still believe Manchester United are on course for winning the premier league. Not only the premier league but the rest of the 4 titles. It could be a memorable season.
Friday, March 13, 2009
letter to the editor!
We the students of *********** are extremely agitated at the unethical, unhygienic and unprofessional working conditions in the hospital. We are being charged excessively in the names of materials which are not being provided to us. Not only are this but the materials which are being supplied are of no use to us because those procedures aren’t required to be carried out by us at that level. Adding more to our frustration is the fact that we are being asked to bring our own gloves and masks which are the basic requirements for infection control and a basic necessity for anyone working in a hospital.
To top the list is the fact that it is also the only hospital in Karachi which does not pay its house officers. Nepotism and favoritism is being practiced.
Apart from all of this we are being asked to pay the tuition fee 2 years I advance. And upon refusing to do so we weren’t given our mark sheets and students weren’t allowed to attend lectures.
A few years back the graduating students were also asked to pay for their degree and PMDC recognition. This is highly unacceptable as the degree is to be provided by the college which they receive from Karachi University.
We request the chief minister Sindh, Governor Sindh and minister of education and all relevant authorities to look into this matter.
To top the list is the fact that it is also the only hospital in Karachi which does not pay its house officers. Nepotism and favoritism is being practiced.
Apart from all of this we are being asked to pay the tuition fee 2 years I advance. And upon refusing to do so we weren’t given our mark sheets and students weren’t allowed to attend lectures.
A few years back the graduating students were also asked to pay for their degree and PMDC recognition. This is highly unacceptable as the degree is to be provided by the college which they receive from Karachi University.
We request the chief minister Sindh, Governor Sindh and minister of education and all relevant authorities to look into this matter.
Monday, March 9, 2009
Expect another...and more and more and more..
"If I was in her place I'd be more insulting, I'd be even more rude!"
'Don't say that, You don't have a right to shout at her because of this silly stupid girl, I said with my eyes welling up!'
"do not cry in front of me, it doesn't matter to me so talk to me like a normal sane person or get out of my face."
'I don't even want to talk to you right now, but i wont stand for this anymore, you aren't home all day and you cant home at night and judge my mother, stay home and see how she talks to her all day'
"Yes, Now that's what i get for busting my ass all day and working for you guys!"
'no one told you to work, its your own choice..you have made me more sad and made me cry more than anyone can in the past 2 years. I don't know what to do anymore to make you happy or to grab your attention, I've done it all and I've tried it all, i cant do this anymore. You have no control anymore and i wont do anything according to what makes you happy or what makes you proud because nothing works!'
" well you have disappointed me more than anyone ever could.don't pull this emotional crap on me. I'm dam tired of you and your stupid routines"
My father's stern voice caught me when we both admitted I'm going nowhere and I can't get there. This mood is taxing to me.
I can't be held guilty for every situation that has unfolded.God damn it I wish he could hear me, see me , see what I can make and I will prove to him that I am worth something!
But that was all yesterday today I'm filled with guilt, my broken promises and the way I acted out, the total drunken mood swings of depression, the disability of freedom and the reckless abandon that I was nothing more than a jerk.
His decisions never made sense but I have grown and learned to respect them!
'Don't say that, You don't have a right to shout at her because of this silly stupid girl, I said with my eyes welling up!'
"do not cry in front of me, it doesn't matter to me so talk to me like a normal sane person or get out of my face."
'I don't even want to talk to you right now, but i wont stand for this anymore, you aren't home all day and you cant home at night and judge my mother, stay home and see how she talks to her all day'
"Yes, Now that's what i get for busting my ass all day and working for you guys!"
'no one told you to work, its your own choice..you have made me more sad and made me cry more than anyone can in the past 2 years. I don't know what to do anymore to make you happy or to grab your attention, I've done it all and I've tried it all, i cant do this anymore. You have no control anymore and i wont do anything according to what makes you happy or what makes you proud because nothing works!'
" well you have disappointed me more than anyone ever could.don't pull this emotional crap on me. I'm dam tired of you and your stupid routines"
My father's stern voice caught me when we both admitted I'm going nowhere and I can't get there. This mood is taxing to me.
I can't be held guilty for every situation that has unfolded.God damn it I wish he could hear me, see me , see what I can make and I will prove to him that I am worth something!
But that was all yesterday today I'm filled with guilt, my broken promises and the way I acted out, the total drunken mood swings of depression, the disability of freedom and the reckless abandon that I was nothing more than a jerk.
His decisions never made sense but I have grown and learned to respect them!
Saturday, March 7, 2009
The mail il never send
25 Reasons i miss you!
1. How much fun we used to have together.
2. Discussing football
3. Watching football together
4. Making useless bets
5. Laughing at your family stories
6. Lost!
7. Spanish football
8. Hating the Italians =D
9. Bowling =)
10. Listening to you talk about cars and your driving experience =)
11. Awesome guitar music =)
12. Predictions =)and how i was always right
13. Late night conversations.
14. Beach football=)
15. Bloopers on you tube and being in tears from laughing so hard!
16. You telling me how I'm the 1st girl your this close too.
17. Random coffee dates!
18. Whining about school and counting down the days till we graduate.
20. opera music=P
21. Car with the screens =P
22. CCD!
23. 'Are you high'? "God know but I'd kill for some right now". 'What seriously'. "I gotta go" =P
24. Australian open
25. 'Get me Jose's scarf next time'
I know that you let go of our friendship, and I am trying my hardest to let go too. But everyday I find one thing, at least, that reminds me of you. I'm sorry things got so fucked up between us.
1. How much fun we used to have together.
2. Discussing football
3. Watching football together
4. Making useless bets
5. Laughing at your family stories
6. Lost!
7. Spanish football
8. Hating the Italians =D
9. Bowling =)
10. Listening to you talk about cars and your driving experience =)
11. Awesome guitar music =)
12. Predictions =)and how i was always right
13. Late night conversations.
14. Beach football=)
15. Bloopers on you tube and being in tears from laughing so hard!
16. You telling me how I'm the 1st girl your this close too.
17. Random coffee dates!
18. Whining about school and counting down the days till we graduate.
20. opera music=P
21. Car with the screens =P
22. CCD!
23. 'Are you high'? "God know but I'd kill for some right now". 'What seriously'. "I gotta go" =P
24. Australian open
25. 'Get me Jose's scarf next time'
I know that you let go of our friendship, and I am trying my hardest to let go too. But everyday I find one thing, at least, that reminds me of you. I'm sorry things got so fucked up between us.
Friday, March 6, 2009
I Want to be a mess
I’m so fucked up it’s not even funny, I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m drowning, in myself at that.I feel like I can’t feel.That doesn’t make sense.I need it to make sense. I’m afraid for it to make sense; I’m afraid to feel. I’m afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to show weakness, afraid to take a chance. I’d rather just imagine it all and let it end in my head before it even begins.It’s all so depressing.
It’s a helpless and desperate feeling – running out of excuses.
I know it's real because I'm starting understand the whole missing someone when you talk all the time on a whole new level.
On top of all this school is tiring. Hell tiring. FJDC Monday through Saturday is too much. It's too dam much. Stupid clinics all day long. Dealing with idiots. Pretending we know everything when we don't. Doing the same dam thing everyday. Another complaint – a rant... but honestly, I can't see all the good in the routine I have. Wake up, study, sit all day waiting for patients and then pray for something to materialize that will grab my attention.
I need a hobby... I need a desire, I need you, I need you in my life or I need out of here...
It’s a helpless and desperate feeling – running out of excuses.
I know it's real because I'm starting understand the whole missing someone when you talk all the time on a whole new level.
On top of all this school is tiring. Hell tiring. FJDC Monday through Saturday is too much. It's too dam much. Stupid clinics all day long. Dealing with idiots. Pretending we know everything when we don't. Doing the same dam thing everyday. Another complaint – a rant... but honestly, I can't see all the good in the routine I have. Wake up, study, sit all day waiting for patients and then pray for something to materialize that will grab my attention.
I need a hobby... I need a desire, I need you, I need you in my life or I need out of here...
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Just for laughs
Saru and Me were discussing how excited we are to see each other after a week =P
Me: yeh i know I'm so excited i finally get to see you tomorrow.
Saru: yeh so what are you planning on wearing for me?
Me: a lab coat. =D
Saru: and underneath that...=P
Me: I'll leave that to your imagination!
Saru: see i knew it. I had a feeling. Changed groups different timings. You've fallen for one of those cheap slutty house officers
Me: How have i changed. I'm trying to maintain the spice in our relationship =P
Saru: jee nai. I had a feeling and now i know its all true.
Me: who told you. it was one of amby's spy's right. I knew it, i just knew it=P
Saru: I dont need someone to keep an eye on you. i can sense when your behavior changes towards me!
Me: And how must i keep myself sane thinking about you and amby all alone at 'the ot'.It's all your fault. You drove me towards those cheap slutty house officers. You left me with no choice. I had to prove I'm better than you when it comes to choosing weird cheap people!
Saru: yeh so why don't you go for them
Me: that's easy its because you are so hot...hahahhahaha.. arite enough gayness. whats up.
So that is just one example of our dose of daily gayness! =P hahahahha..chucks says its because we are crazy. and then he always has sick thoughts about us. hahahahahhahaha
Me: yeh i know I'm so excited i finally get to see you tomorrow.
Saru: yeh so what are you planning on wearing for me?
Me: a lab coat. =D
Saru: and underneath that...=P
Me: I'll leave that to your imagination!
Saru: see i knew it. I had a feeling. Changed groups different timings. You've fallen for one of those cheap slutty house officers
Me: How have i changed. I'm trying to maintain the spice in our relationship =P
Saru: jee nai. I had a feeling and now i know its all true.
Me: who told you. it was one of amby's spy's right. I knew it, i just knew it=P
Saru: I dont need someone to keep an eye on you. i can sense when your behavior changes towards me!
Me: And how must i keep myself sane thinking about you and amby all alone at 'the ot'.It's all your fault. You drove me towards those cheap slutty house officers. You left me with no choice. I had to prove I'm better than you when it comes to choosing weird cheap people!
Saru: yeh so why don't you go for them
Me: that's easy its because you are so hot...hahahhahaha.. arite enough gayness. whats up.
So that is just one example of our dose of daily gayness! =P hahahahha..chucks says its because we are crazy. and then he always has sick thoughts about us. hahahahahhahaha
Muahahahahahahaha
I did my first ultrasonic scaling today..God it felt good =P
the before and the after and the patient was so satisfied..he had so many god dam stains and he came to get them cleaned because he was getting married...hahahaha he actually called me Doctor.
This calls for a celebration. =D
So anyway i read this quote somewhere and I think its wonderful so:
"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
actually, who are you not to be?
we were born to manifest the glory of god that is within us.
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"
marianne williamson
I did my first ultrasonic scaling today..God it felt good =P
the before and the after and the patient was so satisfied..he had so many god dam stains and he came to get them cleaned because he was getting married...hahahaha he actually called me Doctor.
This calls for a celebration. =D
So anyway i read this quote somewhere and I think its wonderful so:
"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
actually, who are you not to be?
we were born to manifest the glory of god that is within us.
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"
marianne williamson
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)