Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance

I can manage it. It doesn't overwhelm me. It doesn't control my life. I'd just rather it not exist though. I know that's not a realistic hope, though I hope it can become less and less and not noticeable to me. I feel like I'm losing people very very quickly.I can't even label what this is with me, because honestly I do feel things now, and I can't understand a lot of things, but for the most part with these kind of things, I'm just an outsider looking in. I felt horrible last night. Even though mohsin was never a great friend he was a big part of our lives and to see him act that way, upset me a great deal. I know things didn't go well but I'd love to be able to find the right balance of it. I do miss how things were. All of it seems long ago and I want it back. I really do feel like I am awakening and seeing a new side to life and to people and specially to myself.

I'm good for now though. Nadal just got beaten at the French open for the first time ever. =)

Prying open my third eye

So I have come to realize a few things over the past couple of months
1. Friends forget their friends when they get into a relationship.
2. It's OK to be jealous of a 15 year old, specially if they just got done with their exams, have 3 months of summer vacations and are going to UK for a month.
3. I am not allowed to be sad, moody or upset around saru, because that is her thing.

5. I'm convinced that some people forget to turn on their brain when they wake up in the morning.
6. Things don't always turn out the way you want, in fact the exact opposite happens.
7. Parents will always have the last word, no matter how hard you try.
8. Time is flying
9. Certain random acts and decisions shape where you are at or where you want to be.
10. 'My boys' is the best show on television and whoever doesn't watch it should suck it.
11. I am a sucker for reality T.V., according to saru I would watch the bachelor(no way) if I had the time.
12. Football is the only thing I truly love.
13. There is no end, only beginnings.
14. A man will screw anything that moves, some women would too.
15. There really is a thin line between love and hate.
16. No one really ever makes bad decisions. decisions just make us who we are.
17. Kara DioGuardi is hot for a 40 year old.
18. Manchester United are the greatest football club ever.
19. As long as we learn from our mistakes, they aren't really mistakes.
20. Cards, flowers, candy and dinner doesn't = love.
21. Don't stay too long in a relationship you'll never recover.
22. For reasons unknown, shortly after writing here I just feel overwhelmingly sad.
23. Everyone gets paranoid over certain things.

And you shall know me by the trail of dead...

I have been avoiding writing anything that has to do with my actual life for a while now, and now it's just to the point that I need to write about it. I just...need to. It's not going to be interesting, it's not going to be life changing, it's not going to be eye opening...

So basically on Friday I just became completely overwhelmed with everything and decided that I shouldn't talk to him for well sometime. nothing good is going to come out of us talking to each other.My anger towards whatever happened faded, and it turned into hurt, and went through all of those stages of grief, except that when it was supposed to turn into acceptance...it just turned into more anger.
The football season ends on Sunday. Manchester United have already won the title so it's not going to be fun watching the matches. But I have 27th to look forward to =D

Saru just left for the airport. She's Off to Thailand for a week.

Usually people are writing on this site, and usually I am reading what people are writing...but hardly anyone has written anything today, and I already read the things that people did write...and so I was sitting here extremely bored. Come on people, this is give and take. I write random crap and provide you with entertainment. Where's my share?

I'm kinda disappointed I didn't get to talk to my nephew today, He comes over every Saturday to spend the night but he didn't come today and I'm sad. He's grown up so much it's unbelievable.

I am so glad kris won.. not because I am anti-gay or had something against adam but his antics were just too much. He belongs in theater!

American Idol had been shit this season. Their goal all season long had been "Make sure Adam wins" He has been the most favoured, hyped, talked about contestant ever. It's just bullshit. The last few weeks have been ridiculous though.
Then there's been Paula orgasming over every single performance he's ever done. The non stop praise from the judges has been so dumb too, whether he sings good or bad, they ALL want to blow him. He's been called a rock god, a legend, and compared to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler, not in terms of singing ability, but in how great they are (not in my opinion) Then Simon got in on the act, that singing the duet with Alison may have saved her (so she's a terrible singer on her own then?) saying that his over-dramatic singing and dancing works and nobody elses does,and then even reminding viewers to vote for him.
FUCKING HELL! Just how badly did all of Idol want Adam to win?
The thing is, he can sing when he sings normally, but when he gets all dramatic, does all his annoying shrieking and screaming I want to die it's so bad!
He might do well to begin with, but after that he'll fall and be stuck doing rock opera where he belongs.
There is something totally disturbing about how Simon can go from being Anti-Adam to, I'm creaming myself over the way you scream with your tongue hanging out!

I am not saying he isn't talented. He is an extremely talened person and an amazing singer but he is not what American Idol is all about!

So yay for kris. =)!!!

I love you..I want to be happy like you!

It never quite feels as though things are getting better. The same circle, the same pattern, the same problems. Is it boys? Is it school? Is it family life? Is it friends? Is it the total sum of the entire problem? I can't decide anymore.

Am I allowed to be happy? Why can't I just be happy? I've lost all of my words... because nothing is what I am thinking of... disoriented... lost and confused. Are you my chance to say something, brief if nothing. I keep wondering why... why can't stop remembering every square inch of you? I’m starting to wonder if that’s what I've become, just a stranger to be cliche. The weights that are pulling me down, away from you, are too much of a strain. It’s a helpless and desperate feeling – running out of excuses.
Let me sit here... be rational, shut up and just listen. Understand my fears, my rationalizations, my understanding... it's worse than you and I can imagine.no one gets this...

Ferguson:now we go for 19

So Manchester united won their 11th premier league title. 18th English title equaling Liverpool's long standing record :D.. :D...:D

It is an exceptional achievement and congratulations to the entire team and of course the boss man himself Mr. Alex Ferguson!
The achievement is remarkable. And they can of course add more to it on the 27th when they face barca!
On the other hand I'm very pleased with my big oral path test today. I think I did pretty well.

And I also finally 'celebrated' my 21st birthday today. We went to nandos and everyone in the frickin' restaurant sang for me :p I'd be lying if I said i didn't like it. It was actually nice.

Right infront of our table we had 6 guys sitting. 3 of them looked extremely gay. By the way they were dressed, walking, talking, and me and saru fell in love :p
So if by any chance any of those guys read this. Contact please :P

Be more constructive with your feedback, please

So this is the point where I'm going to sound old and religious. Perhaps I'm seeing things incorrectly, but this thing that happened bothered me a lot.
Hina told me to recite Surah Alam nashra 7 times before I start studying. So even though I knew it by heart I still wanted to make sure I wouldn't make any mistakes so I searched on google. I was shocked to see that there was not even one site from where I could download these surahs. Meanwhile just for the heck of it I put in Hot and cold by katy perry and i got 15,800,000 hits! unbelievable. So i went to you tube and just one video of surah nashra. Boy was I pissed. So if anyone out there reading this knows a site please tell me and if you don't spread the word! And no the title of this entry isn't with any literal meaning its from from "Flight of the Conchords"

In other news, there's a lot of crazy fucking shit going on that I am fully... not prepared, but prepared to be preparing for -

School is so tiring. I'm done with the surgery rotation, tomorrow is the last day and hence an assessment! A month passed by pretty quickly and all I got to see was a sebaceous cyst excision, an inguinal hernia and a mandibular fracture(cool i know :p). SO yea I better hit the books. We have to do general examination,thyroid,chest,abdomen. Take a history and answer a short essay question and give a DD on the case. Wish me luck!

Light everlasting, much less eminent

Today's entry title is totally irrelevant but I like the song so!
Me and zia have a habit of obsessing over all the TV shows we watch and discussing them in depth.
This is Zia's take on grey's anatomy and some of the leading lady's on TV.:
"I hate meredith,they keep bringing her mother again and again. She went to the shrink and is still emotional. she should get over it. seriously no one gives a shit! She's worse than us :P. and they should kick george out, he is a burden to the show. I like izzy now!

"why do they focus on stupid Mer all the time. She is going to take 3rd place on my list of women who should be banned from TV"
The list is
1. DEB (dexter)
2. DONNA (that 70s show)
3. MEREDITH (greys anatomy)

I personally find the first 2 women very good. They are amazing actors! and well I loved that 70s show and its hard to hate anyone of those kids. So i defended her and deb because i think Jennifer carpenter is extremely believable.

"oh please dont defend deb. she was also in that horror movie 'emily rose'. I swear I have never seen an uglier woman before and she speaks like she's got some teeth missing. I dont know what michael c. hall saw in her when he married her. I mean come on! And that 70s show wali is a hijri! She should go to zamzama at night and be picked up by trans lovers"

My god I have never seen zia that emotional. Even for him that was extreme :p

"oh please. I have no more words for deb. If I had to chose between saving deb and some animal, I would automatically chose the animal!"

Why am i putting this up here.. Well in regards to the ongoing crappy days this was one thing that made me smile after a long time =)

I thoroughly enjoyed Lost last night also. I thought it was an extremely good episode and now I cannot wait to see next weeks episode. Lost seems to be back to wowing me each week now and that is certainly a very good thing.
The champions league Game(barca versus Chelsea) was amazing too. Though i hate chelsea I felt sorry for them. I have not in 10 years of following football seen a worse performance by a referee ever. But nevertheless Barca were clearly the dominant side. They had more possession and looked like a side wanting to win and chelsea on the other hand were just content with defending that one measly goal!
So its football club barcelona versus manchester united on 27th. What a match its going to be!

I remember making Sarah watch last years final. She was such a good sport but she was mainly watching because she thought ronaldo is hot! It was so tough teaching her the rules and making her understand football. But those were the good days. The days when my parents did not have an issue with one of my best friends! So making her watch the final is far I'd be lucky if she's even talking me to normally!

I just realized what an extremely random entry this is. Sarah is right. This is more of a diary than a blog now. Which is pathetic! :S

Excuse me if I'm wrong,but I need some encouraging

I was just thinking that for anyone who reads my blog regularly(if there is anyone reading that is), they must think I am such a miserable person. Really though I'm not, this is my forum in which to vent and get out all my grievances and feelings that for the most part I am too scared to tell anyone. Sure I may feel unhappy from time to time, but who doesn't?
So please do not mistake my negativity and sadness here, for who I am all the time, it is just easier for me as a writer and as a person often closed off from her feelings, to get a better understanding of my feelings and work through my thoughts. =)

So this entry will focus on me. And a little more insight on me!
And now taken from a friends blog, from a while ago, I'm going to attempt to put into my own words of who I am, or at least who I think I am. I think it will be an interesting entry=) so here it goes and I warn you all it won't be any particular order!
I am funny, not in a standard sense though, because when I am funniest is when I am spontaneous with a witty remark, I have a dry sense of humor.I am a nice, kind, polite person, much more than I ever really realized until recently.I am closed off until you get to know me, then you'll see things in me that you never saw before.I am passionate, about the ones I love and about the interests I have. I am very loyal.
I am nostalgic. I feel things a lot, but refuse to show it most of the time.

I am sarcastic. I am cynical. I am annoying.I am good at giving advice but bad at receiving advice. I am a dreamer. I find it hard to love, to trust, but when I do I give everything of myself and expect the same in return.am selfish, but very unselfish with the ones I love. I am self centered but care a lot when it comes to the ones I love.
I am fun once I am comfortable with you. I am exciting when in the right mood.I am a good friend.I am complex.I am confusing.
Thank you all for reading!