I've been through the desert on a horse with no name

I'm cold to everything right now, I can feel the "I don't give a fuck" attitude setting in. I don't particularly like it, but sometimes it is necessary for self preservation. Afterall, when you don't feel, what bad can possibly come to you? That's not to say that I'm not feeling anything, I'm just separating myself from it.

It's like I'm calm, relaxed, composed and then when I'm around people I'm a juvenile idiot who falls into the same traps over and over again. I tell myself, "don't be so stupid, be careful, don't say anything you'll regret," and yet I'm always so ridiculously stupid, not careful at all and say the most pathetic things, that I wouldn't dream of saying anywhere else. Worst of all, I keep on doing it.

I think I've fought all these behavioral issues and i'm past it. but no, it keeps coming back and stronger than before. it takes the life out of me to fight it and keep from doing something pathetic and stupid that would only hurt me!!

Right now manchester united losing the title to chelsea isn't helping!!!
Dam it..
there goes the title =(

over analyze your oh wait my words

I may not have the worst life in the world and I may have everything that many search for. But that doesn't mean I'm not hurting inside and I'm not crying to sleep at night. Like everyone at some point in life,I feel what every human being feels; love, regret, happiness, heartbreak. The only thing I want is someone to say, "It's okay... I know what you're going through. I'll listen."

Sure, people say that, but the world is busy. And so are you as a person. And it gets to a point... where the feelings build up and the pain hurts so much, that all there is to do, is breakdown and cry. The only problem? There isn't anyone to blame, but yourself because there's no one else around that could understand a single thing going on in your head... there's too much flying around that nothing makes sense.
And it's nice, to talk to someone, to know that they are there for you. But they aren't there for the worst of it, for the moment when you just need to be in someone else's arms and cry. And there are times, when you think, 'Is someone else going to be there like I've been there for them so many times?'

There are so many things that I think about. So many things that I just want to go away.

Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion .. not

I hate being alone. I hate sitting at home with nothing to do. And I specially hate it when I get into that phase of mine when I start hating my friends and don’t want anything to do with anyone. I get into my head and think too much. Then I text random people. People who aren’t my friends to keep myself busy.
I really really hate this aloof attitude of mine. It makes me angry and frustrated. I know the reason why I act like that but I’m too embarrassed to admit it.
Right now I also hate school very much. Even surgery doesn’t excite me. And if that cant make me happy I don’t know what will. All I do is sit around the lab. Keep my distance from everyone so I don’t have to put up a fake happy face. I’m not even studying. That’s going to bite me in the ass.

what a lame ass post. i really cant write when im sad and frustrated!