Mr. whatever, I like you!

It's funny how random things can trigger a person to tears. There's always that one thing that makes you want to cry, and it's always that one thing that you can't avoid.

It’s odd how emotional I’ve started to get. I grew up with my dad telling me I was soft whenever I cried so I hate to let people see me cry, and when I feel like I do have to cry I hold it all back because I don’t want to seem like I have a soft spot. . I laugh, that’s about the only real emotion I show, I think. The thing is I’m not even sure if I’m purposely putting on this emotionless front or whether it’s just become second nature.

on the other hand this boy situation is getting worse and worse. I hate that I'm talking to him again. Even if its just random football shit it goes on for hours and that feeling comes back again. he's not to blame but the thing is that he's the first guy after so so long that makes me want to close the distance.. and that's what kills me. I hate it when he makes me smile and think about stuff other than my shitty life... but I can't have it, I can't have him, I can't have any of it right now... maybe I've just been holding on to something which isn't there!