I can't believe i failed 2 subjects. I honestly thought i was killing it in the papers. Apparently not. Studies were the only thing left in my life that i could fondly look upon. I've lost that too. It's reason enough to go off the track no? So I knew i was in a bad place and I called my doctor. Call him a shrink or a counsellor i don't know but he's just someone i took help from last year. Got his number from a friend. The very first time i talked to him it was about my career choice and why i was doing what i was. He got to me and i opened up a bit. Then he told me he can't be around forever so he asked me if i have a friend who i can count on to be there everytime. I said no. Which is the unfortunate truth. So he gave me a guys number who is my go to guy now.. So i called him up today and it got him upset, because he thought i was doing well since I hadn't called for a long time. I told him about the papers and studies and he never has the cliches to say to me. He always brings something new to the table. He makes me feel better but he's not my friend. And that upsets me even more. So he told me to write about this. He promised it'l open up a new window from which i can let some of my issues out. It has. So i thank you. With all my heart for my being my saviour.

???

Every best friend has a best friend....where does that leave secrets???

My new favorite line. I'm right in not trusting many and keeping this ridiculous blog to vent na? but then I'll die with all my secrets and problems and most people will never really know the real me. That sucks but hey the less the know the better it is hun. I'm not that great and in most areas screwed up as hell. So go me.. :p

Me-1, surgery-0

I just realized I was writing a lot about my exams last year and i'm not this year. So not that anyone cares but ya so they are going much better than I expected them to go. Definitely not as good as the Past 2 years but i think i'm surpassing my own expectations this year. I'm studying much much more than i've ever studied in my life. My mom thinks something is wrong with me because I was never this insane when it came to studies and school. But anyways so the exams are going good. I'm happy. Going a little crazy in the head with the frustrations and non availability of people but still happy. Last night was a good night. It was Saru's birthday. I always like celebrating her birthday because she doesn't make a big deal out of it. Yes i'm not a birthday person. Anyway we went for dinner to roasters, then ammo and maheen wanted sheesha and coffee so we did that and asusual got home late. I needed that night out. Me and chucks got to hang out too. We were losing touch so it was good. We drove around for a bit. Did our thing, talked and bitched about people and then i got home and straight to bed. Wow this post has been so lame. So i should stop now and study surgery now. 3 more to go before I can give myself 2 days off and then studying for finals start. Woho:s till then much love:)

It's just that time of the month where i want someone to listen to my crazy complains and non stop bitching about certain people. It's stupid irrational and completely doesn't make sense. But it frustrates me to the utmost level and it makes me angry. And that anger builds up and then it blows up at the wrong time on the wrong person and then that screws me up even further. It's a vicious cycle. Yes i have a paper tomorrow and i can't concentrate or study. I haven't slept in 2 days. Barely for 4 hours i think. My face looks like someone sucked the life out of it. Bad bad month.

I was on the verge of breaking something last night. Not surprising I know but this time it was for a significant reason. What you ask? Well ok. I was watching the highlights of the australia india match where aussies scored some 350 or so runs and india on the back of a tremendous century by tendulkar almost reached it losing only by 4 runs. Now i should be happy right. A great cricket match. A young australian team coming good against an experienced indian side beating them at home. But no i was upset. The stadium was full, jam packed. Each and every person in that stadium was on their feet through out the whole match. And i realized they've taken that opportunity away from us. Now who are they? The taliban's, the americans, the militants, the government.. I don't know all I know is that they have taken away our freedom our peace of mind and most importantly our joy! I remember matches in karachi, in lahore when we used to be that happy. When we would cheer till our vocal cords were paralysed. Ok we don't have someone like tendulkar in our team anymore but we've got our boom boom afridi and our young sensation amir. We want the opportunity to cheer for them! They attacked our sports and stadiums first, then our shopping malls and bazars, now our schools.. Next is OUR HOMES! It's time we step up and take notice.

Traces that remain

There are only seconds left in the minutes I planned for you to stay with me in my head before someone worries about you, before someone wants you back ... turn the TV off because it's distracting .. I just need you to look back at me with the same love I look at you with ... I want time to slow down and reverse so I can stumble into you ...
I feel you.. it's so real. I can hear you breathe as you lie next to me. That smell. I know you smoked again, you continue to lie and I continue to be dazed by it. You got me hooked once and you're getting to me again. The taste of the cigarette on your lips it's easing me back into it again because I swore I realized the game you were playing and that I'd never play again but god damn you make me surrender so politely ... I've lost all of my words... because nothing is what I am thinking of, disoriented, lost and confused, mad, crazy, everything which is unreal.

You left again but we'll be together soon and it'll be just as real.. why? because I can't stop remembering every square inch of you!

=(

I know its taken over my life when I have to choose between man.u vs chelsea and perio surgery=(