Feeling eternal, all this pain is an illusion .. not

I hate being alone. I hate sitting at home with nothing to do. And I specially hate it when I get into that phase of mine when I start hating my friends and don’t want anything to do with anyone. I get into my head and think too much. Then I text random people. People who aren’t my friends to keep myself busy.
I really really hate this aloof attitude of mine. It makes me angry and frustrated. I know the reason why I act like that but I’m too embarrassed to admit it.
Right now I also hate school very much. Even surgery doesn’t excite me. And if that cant make me happy I don’t know what will. All I do is sit around the lab. Keep my distance from everyone so I don’t have to put up a fake happy face. I’m not even studying. That’s going to bite me in the ass.

what a lame ass post. i really cant write when im sad and frustrated!