I’m so fucked up it’s not even funny, I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m drowning, in myself at that.I feel like I can’t feel.That doesn’t make sense.I need it to make sense. I’m afraid for it to make sense; I’m afraid to feel. I’m afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to show weakness, afraid to take a chance. I’d rather just imagine it all and let it end in my head before it even begins.It’s all so depressing.
It’s a helpless and desperate feeling – running out of excuses.
I know it's real because I'm starting understand the whole missing someone when you talk all the time on a whole new level.
On top of all this school is tiring. Hell tiring. FJDC Monday through Saturday is too much. It's too dam much. Stupid clinics all day long. Dealing with idiots. Pretending we know everything when we don't. Doing the same dam thing everyday. Another complaint – a rant... but honestly, I can't see all the good in the routine I have. Wake up, study, sit all day waiting for patients and then pray for something to materialize that will grab my attention.
I need a hobby... I need a desire, I need you, I need you in my life or I need out of here...
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