our city of lights =(

Brilliant..just fucking brilliant.. when you know things are bad people are looking for an opportunity you go out in masses and give them a chance to blow up..bombs every where.. then to top of it all off they burn the shops. Those poor people. more than 2000 shops burned.. kya hai yaaar....

u wanted to mourn karbala..mourn not what has passed but what u have become and how uve let ur khalifa and his sons down!!

they city is turning on itself..what have we come to???? Atleast when musharraf was ruling we felt safe. democracy or no democracy. Fuck you Fuck you all!!!! screwing with us!!
We should make all these god dam corrupt politicians and the god dam pussy police force stand in one line and shoot them in the fucking head. And when done with that burn the god dam media down.. geo keeps playing the video over and over again with a sad song playing in the background.express keeps saying how its the first to bring the news from every angle. You motherfuckers this is not a fucking competition or a media stunt. This is our country.. our city we're talking about!!!!!!

I wish I could help do something be somewhere be someone =(

Who says i can't go home?

You're standing at a junction in your life. Everything you cared for, loved for ended. Now you either turn right or you turn left and start a new life. Leave the scars, the pain the suffering behind. But human nature doesn't allow it. Why not go back and change everything. Make a different choice, take a different step, have a different approach and change the outcome. Apologize, ask for more, not keep it all inside and fight for your innocence. Punish or forgive those who gave you that pain, made you suffer and scarred you for life. Move on. Look for new ways of happiness. Never settle for less. Don't give up on those you love and things you care about. If you love someone tell them. Don't hesitate about anything. Don't be safe. Take a risk. Surely you won't be standing at that junction then... Unfortunately life doesn't come with erasers or a rewind button. You have to make a choice. Left or right?

Hoping for a change. One post at a time :s

I've always had a lot of respect for javed miandad, after all he's the one of the most successful pakistani batsmen if not the most successful and i.ve always paid heed to his opinions about the state of pakistani cricket or the current team. But Recently he made a statement which made me rethink. He said mohammad yousuf did a fine job as a captain and should be retained as captain for a longer term! I mean seriously? The guy was a total failure. Not only did he himself fail as a player on the recent newzealand series but he failed to come out as a leader!He did not rotate his bowlers properly or have any idea about field placement. The pakistani team dropped an average of about 11 catches per test match. I agree that that his not yousuf's fault. But having the wrong man at the wrong place is. Imran farhat dropped 3 catches at first slip and not even tough one's and yet the guy stood at the same position all throughout the match. Umar gul one of the worst fielders was standing on the point position, where he dropped a sitter and mccullum went on to make a century! The point is the most crucial position in the game and the most amazing fielders have occupied that place. jonty rhodes, ricky pointing and more recently suresh raina of india! Yaar had ho gai. I couldn't help but laugh at his field positions and the decisions he took! It's about time we get an intelligent player in the team and make him captain. Someone whose young, fresh and understands the game of cricket!

Battle studies

No that has nothing to do with my exams or studies it's john mayer's new album.. It is amazing. The last few weeks have been sucky and this made my day =D.. it made me smile... yayyy.. papers are 2 days away.. Allah mian save me!!

On the other hand..Justine Henin is back..yes baby..now I finally have a reason to start watching women's tennis again..

This entry is totally pointless it was meant to be more but I got lost in the awesomeness that is dexter...which totally made me cry.. How could they kill rita off =( Anyho.. later general medicine and battle studies awaits =D

'Stony mcblue's'.. What chuck?

I've never been so scared in my life. Not when i was on my way to thailand 4 years ago and the pilot told us we need to put the oxygen masks on because there was decreased cabin pressure. I recited the kalma and sat calmly while people around me panicked. Not even when i fell on my knee 2 and a half years ago while playing footie knowing my knee was already screwed up and one more mistake and i would need surgery. Not when i crashed my dad's car almost a year ago for the first time ever and then had a fight with the other driver. Not when i was caught stoned and passed out by my parents 3 years ago. No, even in that state i apologized kept my cool and told them i'd stay grounded take any punishment! Not when hina told me her father passed away and i had to hold my bestfriend while she cried unconditionally, and for the first time in the 6 years of knowing her i didn't have a word to say to her. Not when my father had an attack and underwent a major cardiac surgery and had 5 stents put in his vessels to make sure his heart keeps pumping. No, but this year the exams they scare the shit outta me

3 words that became hard to say. I and love and you

Every bit hurts.. Every part of it. You never promised anything but i believed in forever, i believed in promises, i believed in love. It's been so long and i've tried to give myself to someone who loves me more than you ever could but you hold me back. I blame you for ruining me. You played with my head and you screwed with my heart. I love you but i want to be happy like you and i want you to be miserable like me.

I can't believe i failed 2 subjects. I honestly thought i was killing it in the papers. Apparently not. Studies were the only thing left in my life that i could fondly look upon. I've lost that too. It's reason enough to go off the track no? So I knew i was in a bad place and I called my doctor. Call him a shrink or a counsellor i don't know but he's just someone i took help from last year. Got his number from a friend. The very first time i talked to him it was about my career choice and why i was doing what i was. He got to me and i opened up a bit. Then he told me he can't be around forever so he asked me if i have a friend who i can count on to be there everytime. I said no. Which is the unfortunate truth. So he gave me a guys number who is my go to guy now.. So i called him up today and it got him upset, because he thought i was doing well since I hadn't called for a long time. I told him about the papers and studies and he never has the cliches to say to me. He always brings something new to the table. He makes me feel better but he's not my friend. And that upsets me even more. So he told me to write about this. He promised it'l open up a new window from which i can let some of my issues out. It has. So i thank you. With all my heart for my being my saviour.

???

Every best friend has a best friend....where does that leave secrets???

My new favorite line. I'm right in not trusting many and keeping this ridiculous blog to vent na? but then I'll die with all my secrets and problems and most people will never really know the real me. That sucks but hey the less the know the better it is hun. I'm not that great and in most areas screwed up as hell. So go me.. :p

Me-1, surgery-0

I just realized I was writing a lot about my exams last year and i'm not this year. So not that anyone cares but ya so they are going much better than I expected them to go. Definitely not as good as the Past 2 years but i think i'm surpassing my own expectations this year. I'm studying much much more than i've ever studied in my life. My mom thinks something is wrong with me because I was never this insane when it came to studies and school. But anyways so the exams are going good. I'm happy. Going a little crazy in the head with the frustrations and non availability of people but still happy. Last night was a good night. It was Saru's birthday. I always like celebrating her birthday because she doesn't make a big deal out of it. Yes i'm not a birthday person. Anyway we went for dinner to roasters, then ammo and maheen wanted sheesha and coffee so we did that and asusual got home late. I needed that night out. Me and chucks got to hang out too. We were losing touch so it was good. We drove around for a bit. Did our thing, talked and bitched about people and then i got home and straight to bed. Wow this post has been so lame. So i should stop now and study surgery now. 3 more to go before I can give myself 2 days off and then studying for finals start. Woho:s till then much love:)

It's just that time of the month where i want someone to listen to my crazy complains and non stop bitching about certain people. It's stupid irrational and completely doesn't make sense. But it frustrates me to the utmost level and it makes me angry. And that anger builds up and then it blows up at the wrong time on the wrong person and then that screws me up even further. It's a vicious cycle. Yes i have a paper tomorrow and i can't concentrate or study. I haven't slept in 2 days. Barely for 4 hours i think. My face looks like someone sucked the life out of it. Bad bad month.

I was on the verge of breaking something last night. Not surprising I know but this time it was for a significant reason. What you ask? Well ok. I was watching the highlights of the australia india match where aussies scored some 350 or so runs and india on the back of a tremendous century by tendulkar almost reached it losing only by 4 runs. Now i should be happy right. A great cricket match. A young australian team coming good against an experienced indian side beating them at home. But no i was upset. The stadium was full, jam packed. Each and every person in that stadium was on their feet through out the whole match. And i realized they've taken that opportunity away from us. Now who are they? The taliban's, the americans, the militants, the government.. I don't know all I know is that they have taken away our freedom our peace of mind and most importantly our joy! I remember matches in karachi, in lahore when we used to be that happy. When we would cheer till our vocal cords were paralysed. Ok we don't have someone like tendulkar in our team anymore but we've got our boom boom afridi and our young sensation amir. We want the opportunity to cheer for them! They attacked our sports and stadiums first, then our shopping malls and bazars, now our schools.. Next is OUR HOMES! It's time we step up and take notice.

Traces that remain

There are only seconds left in the minutes I planned for you to stay with me in my head before someone worries about you, before someone wants you back ... turn the TV off because it's distracting .. I just need you to look back at me with the same love I look at you with ... I want time to slow down and reverse so I can stumble into you ...
I feel you.. it's so real. I can hear you breathe as you lie next to me. That smell. I know you smoked again, you continue to lie and I continue to be dazed by it. You got me hooked once and you're getting to me again. The taste of the cigarette on your lips it's easing me back into it again because I swore I realized the game you were playing and that I'd never play again but god damn you make me surrender so politely ... I've lost all of my words... because nothing is what I am thinking of, disoriented, lost and confused, mad, crazy, everything which is unreal.

You left again but we'll be together soon and it'll be just as real.. why? because I can't stop remembering every square inch of you!

=(

I know its taken over my life when I have to choose between man.u vs chelsea and perio surgery=(

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Between studying 10 hours a day, sleeping, eating and dholkis at sarah's I barely have time for anything! I have pre prof's in 15 days. Allah mian help me :(
I have bits and pieces written out. when i get time I'll assemble them and post. Till then much love :)

Things I do..Things you do.. fix it please.. Give it back to me. Make me who I was.

australia ko 'kherat' aur india ko 'laat'!!

So by losing yesterday Pakistan did two things

1)got India out of the tournament..yes bbye to the 1st ranked team in the world
2)proved to Australia that look we can beat you but today we don't want to..so suck that 'mate'!!!

It's not that I dislike India it's just their cricket board..mind you the world's richest cricket board..is not my favourite. they took away the hosting rights of the icc champions throphy and the world cup from us so they do deserve to get the wonderful 'dua's' of the great nation that worships cricket!!! Have fun =)

Let me be your shrink!

Everything happens for a reason.. Good or bad only time tells. And that is what you need to give yourself. Eventually you'l get all the answers and you'l know what to do. Don't regret anything that you've done cause at that time it was the best you could do or think of. Everyone makes mistakes and only those are happy that either correct them, learn from them or learn to live with them. Life is not always easy. Sometimes you have to work to be happy. Sometimes you have to change your definition of happines if you don't have a choice. I know its hard and i'm not living it only you are. But god is putting you through this because only you can handle it. It sounds cliche but give it time.. Try and change.. Try and be content.. And if that doesn't Work than take a step and do what will make u happy.

it's a struggle but we breathe it out as we please

Remember the times when you were young and your mom would come wake you up in the morning. First, sweetly, then a little more sternly and then finally when she would notice you had slipped the comforter back on your face she would shout and say "get out of bed". Those simple words held promises of a brighter day ahead. A fun filled school day, chance to learn something new everyday!

I still remember the football practices where we would run 10 rounds in the scorching heat and collapse on the ground with sweat trickling down our eyes and staring at the sun wondering if we'd ever be able to move again when miss sadia would shout "get off the floor" that meant it was time for a match. Again signs of joy. I didn't love anything more than being on the football field. Playing! It was the best I felt in my life!

And now as i was packing up my first and second year books I lay on the floor for hours wondering who'd pick me up. Who'd tel me to get off my butt and start facing it all? I waited for hours. I have no idea why.. Finally i whispered to myself. "it's time to get off the floor".. it's a struggle, but we breathe it out as we sleep.. I'm breathing, I'm living.. I'm trying!

Ye haray to season haray....

Hini ye haray to season haray.. My view before the derby.
Hina: We won't just watch..!

2nd mintue,, mistake by richards awesome finish by rooney. Man U 1 up

15th minute, Mistake by foster goal by barry.. Tevez continuously booed! rightly so

Me: what the hell.. what a dam stupid mistake! I want nani on!

49th minute, United lead again, giggs free kick, fletchers cool header!

52nd minute, bellamy top corner, what a drive!

Me: hinniii self destruct button, kya hai yaar

2nd half man U dominate.. berbatov should've scored twice but the irish shay given was at his top game!

81st minute, corner, fletcher rises, heads again, man U lead for the 3rd time

90th minute, mistake again by ferdinand, calm and cool finish by bellamy

I went insane!

and then 96th minute a pulsating finish by the most unexpected player, Michael owen.. party time baby

And once again Manchester united put man city in their place. Its time for mark hughes and the big spending boys to head home with the heads between their sorry and tired legs!

And its time for me to celebrate chaand raat :D

And I can talk, I place pride on tick and tock

It's September already. Oh well I just realized September will be over soon. :s. It seems like I'm always saying this, but time is passing by so quickly. 2009 flew by and so did 3rd year. We have pre prof's in a month and then finals from 15th December.

Now onto lesser things, that do mean the world to me, but mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. The manchester derby is tonight. I feel like a win for manchester united will really set the season off and make them more confident.

Ronaldo scored 2 spectacularly sexy goals in the champions league match. Made me hate him even more. Ungrateful Bastard.

All the shows are back which is good news for me :). It's always sunny was awesome, I can't wait for house and how i met your mother. Gossip girl was shit even the awesomeness of chuck bass couldn't make me like it. And one tree hill was actually tolerable. I hope this is the last season and they end it on a high note, or a good one.

For this eid i decided to spoil myself mainly because saru was hellbent on wanting me to be broke. I got my meni, pedi, facial and massage. My mom thinks something is up.
Dam this is such a lame ass blog which even I don't care about. I should be studying. Blahh!!!

To tweet or not to tweet?

So the whole idea of twitter really disgusts me. It's just another way of feeding one's terrible need of keeping in track of someone you don't know or knowing what celebrities are doing at all times. I don't want to know if oprah fed her dog or if ashton kutcher had a cold one after a long days work! But anyway this 104 year old woman living in an old peoples house somewhere in england is on twitter too and she has more than 30 thousand followers. She tweets about what she does all day, what she's going to have for lunch or dinner, where she's going for vacations and general life experiences. It almost made me sign up and follow her. The woman has lived 104 years i'm sure we can all learn a thing or two from her! P.s. Melrose place 09 was hot

The us open is going on and thanks to it my studying is taking a nose dive. Ramazan sports and studies don't go. The weather has been awesome. Feels like i'm not in karachi. I like how the rain makes me feel. It makes me want to love makes me want to believe in the human race. It makes me believe i'm stil human. Anyho talking about the us open so federer was playing his first round match the other day and john mc enroe had the audacity to say he's NOT the greatest player of all time why because he doesn't have a winning record against nadal. I mean seriously how can u say that. The guy has won 16 grandslams more than anyone else in the space of 6 years. Is one of only 6 players to have a career grand slam meaning he's won all 4 grandslams. No player in the open era managed to do that. Not even pete sampras who won 15 slams and was dubbed by many as the greatest player ever until someone named roger federer arrived. He's won a record 5 us open consecutively, won 16 masters titles just one behind the great aggasi. Everytime he steps foot on the court he's out to set a new record. I don't think i can say anymore to justify my point! John mc enroe is an idiot and a fucking jealous piss off! Aaaaa school i hate, rain i love. I think i've said that already. I'm in class right now. Nazish is rambling on she's a bitch i hate her. One teacher i do not respect and refuse to respect because she has no respect for anyone! So i got to rush before she sees me and insults me too!

pretty cool

Antibodies found that prevent HIV from causing severe AIDS

By Thomas H. Maugh II
After nearly two decades of futile searching for a vaccine against the AIDS virus, researchers are reporting the tantalizing discovery of antibodies that can prevent the virus from multiplying in the body and producing severe disease.

They do not have a vaccine yet, but they may well have a road map toward the production of one.

A team based at the Scripps Research Institute in La Jolla reports today in the journal Science that they have isolated two so-called broadly neutralizing antibodies that can block the action of many strains of HIV, the virus responsible for AIDS.

Crucial to the discovery is the fact that the antibodies target a portion of HIV that researchers had not considered in their search for a vaccine. Moreover, the target is a relatively stable portion of the virus that does not participate in the extensive mutations that have made HIV able to escape from antiviral drugs and previous experimental vaccines.

"This is opening up a whole new area of science," said Dr. Seth F. Berkley, president and chief executive of the International AIDS Vaccine Initiative, which funded and coordinated the research.

At least 33 million people worldwide are infected with HIV, and at least 25 million have died from AIDS, according to the World Health Organization. Two large trials of experimental vaccines have failed -- the most recent, in 2007, because the vaccine apparently made people more susceptible to infection.

To find the neutralizing antibodies, researchers collected blood samples from more than 1,800 people in Thailand, Australia and Africa who had been infected with HIV for at least three years without the infection proceeding to severe disease. Such individuals are most likely to produce antibodies that interfere with the replication of the virus.

Researchers at Monogram Biosciences in South San Francisco studied the samples most resistant to infection, then a team from Theraclone Sciences in Seattle isolated the antibodies responsible for the resistance.

They ultimately isolated two antibodies, called PG9 and PG16, from one African patient. The antibodies were able to block the activity of about three-quarters of the 162 separate strains of HIV they tested it against.

Immunologist Dennis Burton of Scripps and his colleagues then showed that the antibodies bind to regions of two proteins on the surface of the virus, called gp120 and gp41, that help the virus invade cells. These regions had never before been considered as targets for vaccines.

Researchers still have a long way to go to produce a vaccine, however.

The antibodies themselves could potentially be used as a treatment for infected patients who develop severe disease.

But the long-term hope is to find molecules, either synthetic or natural, that can stimulate the body to produce the broadly neutralizing antibodies. Such molecules could potentially be the basis for a successful vaccine.

thomas.maugh@latimes.com

Copyright © 2009, The Los Angeles Times
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Gotta cut away, clear away, snip away & sever this

Sleep would be nice so would exercise. It's pouring down here. Karachi has had the best year weather wise! I'm loving it:)

I feel a bit like a failure these days, with not going back to a "real" school. I see so many people heading back to their big universities and new towns with new friends for a fresh new year and I can't help but want that.

I'm studying a lot these days hence no time to write.
Football has started again. We watched the arsenal man u match on Saturday and that was fun. There's just something about Manchester united beating arsenal. Gives me pleasure. Great pleasure. So anyway after that we spent the night at hina's. We were up all night playing cricket,football and doing retarded crazy shit! Fun times.Memories indeed.

Memories are powerful, especially when you're transported back to how you felt in those moments. No wonder I am still awake. Good or bad, I'm thankful to be able to have moments like that.

'Your absence leads me down darker paths!'

Teacher.. finally..

And back to reality.. We finally got a surgery teacher.. she taught us appendicitis and well I understood it. Things are looking up. OPD had ended its back to ot i.e. hell hole. But in the past 2 weeks I've only gone to school twice. Been home studying, hanging out, watching movies. Life is good =) And it'll only get better.

I have a good feeling about the other half of this year. =) Vacations did me good. I cleared my head, got off the shit wagon. Now I'm studying, getting work done at school and not being gay about my relationships and friendships. Being a grown up and facing things head on!

Oral pathology is almost done. Half of general medicine done. 1/4th of perio done and half of oral medicine done.The only thing left worrying me is general surgery. The nerd in me is back :D

It's so hard to contain, maintain it or define it...

Does love really last or eventually do we simply grow tired of the, I dare say , of just being happy just being whatever we have become just being with that one same person.

'it's hard not seeing you everyday, not talking to you, not laughing with you.. but somehow it gets worse when I do see you'

The tragedy is not that I cannot feel, but that , I am forever searching, whether or not I'm aware of it. Am I actually looking for something or am I running from what is known and consequently real?

You will always be that one that has the ability to come rushing back,at random and bring me to my knees because somewhere inside I know it’s what I’ve always wanted.The perpetual sense of always is overwhelming.

I am uncertain if I regret. But there are so many memories, so many broken promises and laughter's and tears and fights so many times, so many glances of your face, threatening to consume me completely. So there are days when I break down and I admit you are my one true love. And I will always always love you. It crushes my insides, burns me from within. But its real or real enough i guess.

It could've been us.

???? :@

'u r the most pettiest self obsessive sarcasmic, vindictive, pusillanimous, pedophilic, infanticidal, eczemic bitch i've ever met'

that's what shahzeem once said to me. How i remember this.. well i still had the message in my inbox :s

We're all we need two lungs one heart

It's been a while since I last wrote here, by my standards anyway. I've just been in a bit of a funk really and not had any motivation whatsoever to write in here.

I've been busy with studying.. yes I finally am studying. Not that anyone cares but I've dont GIT,liver and CVS from general medicine which is quite a lot. And inshAllah by the end of next week I'll do a lot of oral path and oral med so ya things will be back on track.
In other news I finally finished it's always sunny in philadelphia. Had that show on pending for so long.

And finally for the question thats been on my head for well years but was highlighted again in an outing.
How many of you believe in the institution of marriage and that whole spend the rest of your life with one person crap?

"Intimacy isn't something that comes easily to you. At least not now that you've had time to tuck a couple of years under your belt and learn how fickle some people can be. There's someone in your life at the moment, however, who seems not just sincere, but also legitimately interested in you. At this point, you can trust your own judgment and you know it."

=)

And she's married... it was amazing. I have never ever seen a bride look so beautiful. We all know saru is hot but boy did she look stunning last night. MashAllah =)

I tried to be normal. not cry like a baby but once i saw her and hugged her to congratulate her..the water works began. No one could believe that I was crying :p mainly cause in the 4 years of knowing me none of them has seen me cry. ever.

And zain did not help the cause. 'gd will it ever be the same. Will the 3 of us ever hang out like it used to be.' And i started again. :p

She's going to move to the US after a year and a half and that's all the time we have left. Despite the shit that has gone down it's me and saru. I don't really know how to deal with this. I've let go of friends before but that's by choice and I still get to see their stinking faces. Saru is moving away and I wasn't prepared for this.

But I'm extremely happy for her. Dasa(Asad) is an amazing guy. He worships the ground saru walks on literally and he will make her more happy than she can ever imagine!

The wedding was beautiful and I am not a wedding person so coming from me it means a lot. We danced till 4 in the morning. Then coffee and fries at marriot. It doesn't get better than that=)

So here's to saru. One of my best friends. My whore, my slut, my drama queen. Here's to The end of all controversies. I know you'll have a wonderful life. Off to Florida baby. I love ya=)

The way we were...

It's amazing how things change in a few months. 6 months ago i couldn't even imagine that a day would go by that i wouldn't see or talk to saru and now it's been over a month since i've seen her. And we barely talk to each other! There are days when i break down and go into a state of pure depression or desperation over how i can't change it or make things go back to normal or the way they were atleast and there are days when i'm ok and i think it had to happen sooner or later and the sooner the better.. I spent 2 of the best years of my life with her! There were times when i was knee deep in shit and saru was there when noone was. Even when i didn't want her to be around she was there to make sure i was ok. She helped me through possibly the most pathetic time in my life, she helped me get over it move passed it. She was there to clean up my mess emotionally and literally! And then for some reasons which now seem stupid it all changed. I couldn't get past my own issues to accept her as she was. She couldn't get past her ego to come up to me and make things right. And now as they stand she's getting married on saturday and i haven't even talked or met the guy. What made me write this post. Well i just read a message in my phone from december 27th from sarah which said ' i know but tada ur my best friend and i can't date a guy if u don't like him. U have to meet him and u have to like him. Come outside for just an hour. Please tada' so ya that was for a guy she wanted to date. And now she's getting married.

I guess this is real or real enough.

I guess this is real or real enough. What's happening? I don't know. I'm so lost right now. What is this? Like some kind of twist in the already complicated script that we had all written for ourselves. Not just for me but for all of us. Every single one of us.
I thought it was simple and clear. But apparently it’s not. Saru is getting married in a week. Total, complete shock. I was gone 10 days and the world changed around me! I don’t know if people collide for a reason, or if it’s all random. Maybe there’s a lesson in here somewhere, but more likely, it just is what it is.
These are the times I want to scream at the top of my lungs but end up whispering to myself that everything's going to be all right. I knew things were changing but this is a complete turn from the norm. I wish I could go back to the vacation days, I could escape maybe take a walk and just sit on the beach... But I know I'd still be looking for faces in the sand or in the surf. I just really don't know what I have left to do... days are dull and boring, friends don't seem to be there and this cellphone feels like a paperweight in my pocket. I'm not going out there to say I'm just going to end it... but god damn would I kill for some direction. ; I'm having trouble finding the softness of not-so-long-ago.

I'm tired of investing into relationships and friendships and then seeing them go down the drain. I need to prepare myself for more unexpected turns coming my way. I should have known better than to assume that it was all coming to a settlement for all of us. I'm tired of waiting to see what happens.

We knew it was only a matter of time..

I went to my first college picnic. It's a tradition at college and I never went. This year I was convinced by a couple of house officers who I've become friends with to go.I ended up having a lot of FUN!. They are a little weird but ummm they are my seniors and well I learn stuff from them. It was their last picnic with college and they have been going regularly every year since 1st year. Yesterday was very sad for them.

Farah said to me 'man this is it, this is the end of an era. I've spent 5 years with these guys, these teachers, they've become my best friends my mentors. This is sad. Shit sad'.

I didn't know what to say to her. I felt pretty bad. I'm not ready to go through that separation, changing schools, ending school shit again. I did it 3 years ago and it didn't turn out good.

You're glorifying this misperception

I realized a while ago, and took the walls down... but sometimes I think it was better with them, not for my sake, but so I wouldn't hurt other people...

Accessible friends get tough as we age, especially after school or college. Every single person is busy with something. At least for now I can blame distance for not getting what I want.
So many times I've wanted to go back to being a kid for just a day so I could get rid of my worries and have no responsibilities. But recently I've realized that I don't think I'd want to spend more than a day reliving my childhood.I'd make a different set of choices may lead to alternate future outcomes, but then what would I miss? I'd miss all the people I know now, all the experiences I've had It would be incredibly hard to live that life over again for me, especially knowing what I know now . . . knowing what the "future" holds. and who knows maybe I'd be in a more shittier state than I am right now!

Maybe it's the blood...

I did my first extraction today, 37, it was exhilarating. There's just something about the surgery department that makes me feel awesome. Maybe it's the blood, the pain numbing or the inability to feel pain or the screaming or the feeling of being in control..whatever it is I love it there!

Anyway the Question of the week is-if you could drink from the fountain of youth and become immortal, would you?

My first thought was dam no way! I have a troubled youth and I want to grow out of it soon.
Being immortal sounds weird unnatural and well weird!

MJ

He's moon walking on the clouds now. R.i.p. MJ

Guess how much I love you…

A friend of mine wrote this. She's 15 and her younger sister sumaikah is 4!


Guess how much I love you…
(A conversation between Sumaikah and I before she would go to bed)


Sumaikah was going to bed, held on tight to my right hand.

She wanted to be sure that I was listening. “Guess how much I love you,” she said.
"Oh, I don’t think I could guess that,” I said to her.

“This much,” said Sumaikah, stretching out her arms as wide as they could go.
I had even longer arms. “But I love you this much,” I said.

Hmm, that is a lot, thought Sumaikah.

“I love you as high as I can reach,” Sumaikah said to me.
“I love you as high as I can reach,” I said to her.

That is very high, thought Sumaikah. I wish I had arms like that.

Then Sumaikah had a good idea. She tumbled upside down against the door and reached
the knob of the door with her feet. “I love you all the way up to my toes!” she said.
"And I love you all the way up to your toes,” I said to her swinging her up almost over
her head.

“I love you as high as I can jump!” laughed Sumaikah up and down.
"But I love you as high as I can jump,” I smiled and jumped so high that my hands almost touched the fan above.

That’s good jumping, she thought. I wish I could jump like that.

"I love you all the way down the lane as far as the river,” she said.
"I love you across the river and over the hills,” I said to her smiling.

That’s very far, thought Sumaikah. She was almost too sleepy to think anymore.
Then she looked beyond the window and the trees, out into the big dark night.
Nothing could be farther than the sky.

"I love you right up to the moon,” she said and closed her eyes.
"Oh, that’s far,” said I. “That is very far.”

I settled her into her bed, leaned over and kissed her goodnight.
Then I lay down close by and whispered with a smile, “I love you right up to the moon- and back.”




(:

All mysteries aside there was a truth outside

Well it's a quiet time in all of sport right now- well the sports that interest me anyway. Football is pretty over well club football is, but when it's off tv for the summer I find myself very very bored, so I've been watching the Confederations Cup and Under 21 European Championship and cricket which surprisingly is making me very happy mainly because pakistan is winning so yay =)

I went back to football despite the knee injury. And yes I didn't make the playing 11 for the first time in 5 years I will be on the bench =(. It's pretty sad but like Hina put it, It is school and career for me before football. I wish it wasn't. It's frustrating. I've been there and I've dealt with it before.I Still do feel like I can.It's getting tougher by the day and it's pissing me off. But, it's much more satisfying to achieve something when the climb has been so difficult, when you really have to work to get there. I've done it before with things, I can do it again. I just need better focus.

Besides that Not too much going on here, just more of the same. Weeds is back on air which is good because hands down it's one of my favorite shows.

The other day Saru said I fish for compliments, made me think and I realized she's kind of right.Sometimes I do manipulate the situation to try and get the compliment I want to hear. Pretty twisted huh?

She also said that christina and meredith from grey's remind her of us. I went off on her because I honestly am not as heartless as chritina yang on grey's and fuck that's just a character on a dumb TV show. Ok I'm a little like her but I'm changing I'm trying to control things I know are wrong with me, an example being that when I was younger I had a real short temper, and now I am really quite mellow about things. I don't go off on people a lot.

So it made me think and I was reflecting on the person I am now, to how I was a month ago, 6 months ago, 1 year ago, etc. and I'm clearly quite a changed person. For the good or the bad I'm not quite sure but for now I'm working on all that is wrong!

Does This Lack of Updating Make Me Look Like A Really Important Person??

Does This Lack of Updating Make Me Look Like A Really Important Person?.. I certainly hope so :p
All shit's been far too busy.
Between tests and clinical exams and presentations and symposiums and trying to reconnect with saru and failing miserably and football I haven't had a chance to sit down and just be here and write. And the god honest truth is I don't really know what to write about anymore. I don't feel like whinning anymore because that wasn't helping.

In updates federer won the french open. For those of you who read you might remember that i wrote something when he lost the Australian open so yeh I have to write an entry on him winning this one definitely and that is to come.

ummm... Manchester United lost the champions league final and an entry on that also is due. But now if I write it it'll seem stupid but I'll do it anyway.

I have developed a keen interest in poker and actually become good at it.

My knee is doing ok for now. I have been forbidden to play football which sucks! But im going to play anyway!

And that is that. I will be back with a lot of stuff later for sure!

patella femoral pain syndrome

Patello femoral pain syndrome (PFPS) is an extremely common condition, covering a range of usually vague symptoms of pain ‘in’, ‘under’ or ‘behind’ the kneecap.
and yes I am suffering from it.
I got injured 2 years ago while playing football and my knee has bothered me since then but i never really paid any attention to it. 2 nights ago I woke up in the middle of my sleep because of intense pain in my left knee and spend the entire night at the hospital. Got my MRI's, Xrays done and finally found out I have PFPS. What basically is happening is that there is extra pressure between the patella and the femur during knee flexion and there is friction between the two which causes pain.
For now therapy and NSAID's will do but if it isn't resolved I might require surgery which could be the coolest thing that will happen to me in quite some time :P

Set as I am in my ways and my arrogance

I can manage it. It doesn't overwhelm me. It doesn't control my life. I'd just rather it not exist though. I know that's not a realistic hope, though I hope it can become less and less and not noticeable to me. I feel like I'm losing people very very quickly.I can't even label what this is with me, because honestly I do feel things now, and I can't understand a lot of things, but for the most part with these kind of things, I'm just an outsider looking in. I felt horrible last night. Even though mohsin was never a great friend he was a big part of our lives and to see him act that way, upset me a great deal. I know things didn't go well but I'd love to be able to find the right balance of it. I do miss how things were. All of it seems long ago and I want it back. I really do feel like I am awakening and seeing a new side to life and to people and specially to myself.

I'm good for now though. Nadal just got beaten at the French open for the first time ever. =)

Prying open my third eye

So I have come to realize a few things over the past couple of months
1. Friends forget their friends when they get into a relationship.
2. It's OK to be jealous of a 15 year old, specially if they just got done with their exams, have 3 months of summer vacations and are going to UK for a month.
3. I am not allowed to be sad, moody or upset around saru, because that is her thing.

5. I'm convinced that some people forget to turn on their brain when they wake up in the morning.
6. Things don't always turn out the way you want, in fact the exact opposite happens.
7. Parents will always have the last word, no matter how hard you try.
8. Time is flying
9. Certain random acts and decisions shape where you are at or where you want to be.
10. 'My boys' is the best show on television and whoever doesn't watch it should suck it.
11. I am a sucker for reality T.V., according to saru I would watch the bachelor(no way) if I had the time.
12. Football is the only thing I truly love.
13. There is no end, only beginnings.
14. A man will screw anything that moves, some women would too.
15. There really is a thin line between love and hate.
16. No one really ever makes bad decisions. decisions just make us who we are.
17. Kara DioGuardi is hot for a 40 year old.
18. Manchester United are the greatest football club ever.
19. As long as we learn from our mistakes, they aren't really mistakes.
20. Cards, flowers, candy and dinner doesn't = love.
21. Don't stay too long in a relationship you'll never recover.
22. For reasons unknown, shortly after writing here I just feel overwhelmingly sad.
23. Everyone gets paranoid over certain things.

And you shall know me by the trail of dead...

I have been avoiding writing anything that has to do with my actual life for a while now, and now it's just to the point that I need to write about it. I just...need to. It's not going to be interesting, it's not going to be life changing, it's not going to be eye opening...

So basically on Friday I just became completely overwhelmed with everything and decided that I shouldn't talk to him for well sometime. nothing good is going to come out of us talking to each other.My anger towards whatever happened faded, and it turned into hurt, and went through all of those stages of grief, except that when it was supposed to turn into acceptance...it just turned into more anger.
The football season ends on Sunday. Manchester United have already won the title so it's not going to be fun watching the matches. But I have 27th to look forward to =D

Saru just left for the airport. She's Off to Thailand for a week.

Usually people are writing on this site, and usually I am reading what people are writing...but hardly anyone has written anything today, and I already read the things that people did write...and so I was sitting here extremely bored. Come on people, this is give and take. I write random crap and provide you with entertainment. Where's my share?

I'm kinda disappointed I didn't get to talk to my nephew today, He comes over every Saturday to spend the night but he didn't come today and I'm sad. He's grown up so much it's unbelievable.

I am so glad kris won.. not because I am anti-gay or had something against adam but his antics were just too much. He belongs in theater!

American Idol had been shit this season. Their goal all season long had been "Make sure Adam wins" He has been the most favoured, hyped, talked about contestant ever. It's just bullshit. The last few weeks have been ridiculous though.
Then there's been Paula orgasming over every single performance he's ever done. The non stop praise from the judges has been so dumb too, whether he sings good or bad, they ALL want to blow him. He's been called a rock god, a legend, and compared to Mick Jagger and Steven Tyler, not in terms of singing ability, but in how great they are (not in my opinion) Then Simon got in on the act, that singing the duet with Alison may have saved her (so she's a terrible singer on her own then?) saying that his over-dramatic singing and dancing works and nobody elses does,and then even reminding viewers to vote for him.
FUCKING HELL! Just how badly did all of Idol want Adam to win?
The thing is, he can sing when he sings normally, but when he gets all dramatic, does all his annoying shrieking and screaming I want to die it's so bad!
He might do well to begin with, but after that he'll fall and be stuck doing rock opera where he belongs.
There is something totally disturbing about how Simon can go from being Anti-Adam to, I'm creaming myself over the way you scream with your tongue hanging out!

I am not saying he isn't talented. He is an extremely talened person and an amazing singer but he is not what American Idol is all about!

So yay for kris. =)!!!

I love you..I want to be happy like you!

It never quite feels as though things are getting better. The same circle, the same pattern, the same problems. Is it boys? Is it school? Is it family life? Is it friends? Is it the total sum of the entire problem? I can't decide anymore.

Am I allowed to be happy? Why can't I just be happy? I've lost all of my words... because nothing is what I am thinking of... disoriented... lost and confused. Are you my chance to say something, brief if nothing. I keep wondering why... why can't stop remembering every square inch of you? I’m starting to wonder if that’s what I've become, just a stranger to be cliche. The weights that are pulling me down, away from you, are too much of a strain. It’s a helpless and desperate feeling – running out of excuses.
Let me sit here... be rational, shut up and just listen. Understand my fears, my rationalizations, my understanding... it's worse than you and I can imagine.no one gets this...

Ferguson:now we go for 19

So Manchester united won their 11th premier league title. 18th English title equaling Liverpool's long standing record :D.. :D...:D

It is an exceptional achievement and congratulations to the entire team and of course the boss man himself Mr. Alex Ferguson!
The achievement is remarkable. And they can of course add more to it on the 27th when they face barca!
On the other hand I'm very pleased with my big oral path test today. I think I did pretty well.

And I also finally 'celebrated' my 21st birthday today. We went to nandos and everyone in the frickin' restaurant sang for me :p I'd be lying if I said i didn't like it. It was actually nice.

Right infront of our table we had 6 guys sitting. 3 of them looked extremely gay. By the way they were dressed, walking, talking, and me and saru fell in love :p
So if by any chance any of those guys read this. Contact please :P

Be more constructive with your feedback, please

So this is the point where I'm going to sound old and religious. Perhaps I'm seeing things incorrectly, but this thing that happened bothered me a lot.
Hina told me to recite Surah Alam nashra 7 times before I start studying. So even though I knew it by heart I still wanted to make sure I wouldn't make any mistakes so I searched on google. I was shocked to see that there was not even one site from where I could download these surahs. Meanwhile just for the heck of it I put in Hot and cold by katy perry and i got 15,800,000 hits! unbelievable. So i went to you tube and just one video of surah nashra. Boy was I pissed. So if anyone out there reading this knows a site please tell me and if you don't spread the word! And no the title of this entry isn't with any literal meaning its from from "Flight of the Conchords"

In other news, there's a lot of crazy fucking shit going on that I am fully... not prepared, but prepared to be preparing for -

School is so tiring. I'm done with the surgery rotation, tomorrow is the last day and hence an assessment! A month passed by pretty quickly and all I got to see was a sebaceous cyst excision, an inguinal hernia and a mandibular fracture(cool i know :p). SO yea I better hit the books. We have to do general examination,thyroid,chest,abdomen. Take a history and answer a short essay question and give a DD on the case. Wish me luck!

Light everlasting, much less eminent

Today's entry title is totally irrelevant but I like the song so!
Me and zia have a habit of obsessing over all the TV shows we watch and discussing them in depth.
This is Zia's take on grey's anatomy and some of the leading lady's on TV.:
"I hate meredith,they keep bringing her mother again and again. She went to the shrink and is still emotional. she should get over it. seriously no one gives a shit! She's worse than us :P. and they should kick george out, he is a burden to the show. I like izzy now!

"why do they focus on stupid Mer all the time. She is going to take 3rd place on my list of women who should be banned from TV"
The list is
1. DEB (dexter)
2. DONNA (that 70s show)
3. MEREDITH (greys anatomy)

I personally find the first 2 women very good. They are amazing actors! and well I loved that 70s show and its hard to hate anyone of those kids. So i defended her and deb because i think Jennifer carpenter is extremely believable.

"oh please dont defend deb. she was also in that horror movie 'emily rose'. I swear I have never seen an uglier woman before and she speaks like she's got some teeth missing. I dont know what michael c. hall saw in her when he married her. I mean come on! And that 70s show wali is a hijri! She should go to zamzama at night and be picked up by trans lovers"

My god I have never seen zia that emotional. Even for him that was extreme :p

"oh please. I have no more words for deb. If I had to chose between saving deb and some animal, I would automatically chose the animal!"

Why am i putting this up here.. Well in regards to the ongoing crappy days this was one thing that made me smile after a long time =)

I thoroughly enjoyed Lost last night also. I thought it was an extremely good episode and now I cannot wait to see next weeks episode. Lost seems to be back to wowing me each week now and that is certainly a very good thing.
The champions league Game(barca versus Chelsea) was amazing too. Though i hate chelsea I felt sorry for them. I have not in 10 years of following football seen a worse performance by a referee ever. But nevertheless Barca were clearly the dominant side. They had more possession and looked like a side wanting to win and chelsea on the other hand were just content with defending that one measly goal!
So its football club barcelona versus manchester united on 27th. What a match its going to be!

I remember making Sarah watch last years final. She was such a good sport but she was mainly watching because she thought ronaldo is hot! It was so tough teaching her the rules and making her understand football. But those were the good days. The days when my parents did not have an issue with one of my best friends! So making her watch the final is far I'd be lucky if she's even talking me to normally!

I just realized what an extremely random entry this is. Sarah is right. This is more of a diary than a blog now. Which is pathetic! :S

Excuse me if I'm wrong,but I need some encouraging

I was just thinking that for anyone who reads my blog regularly(if there is anyone reading that is), they must think I am such a miserable person. Really though I'm not, this is my forum in which to vent and get out all my grievances and feelings that for the most part I am too scared to tell anyone. Sure I may feel unhappy from time to time, but who doesn't?
So please do not mistake my negativity and sadness here, for who I am all the time, it is just easier for me as a writer and as a person often closed off from her feelings, to get a better understanding of my feelings and work through my thoughts. =)

So this entry will focus on me. And a little more insight on me!
And now taken from a friends blog, from a while ago, I'm going to attempt to put into my own words of who I am, or at least who I think I am. I think it will be an interesting entry=) so here it goes and I warn you all it won't be any particular order!
I am funny, not in a standard sense though, because when I am funniest is when I am spontaneous with a witty remark, I have a dry sense of humor.I am a nice, kind, polite person, much more than I ever really realized until recently.I am closed off until you get to know me, then you'll see things in me that you never saw before.I am passionate, about the ones I love and about the interests I have. I am very loyal.
I am nostalgic. I feel things a lot, but refuse to show it most of the time.

I am sarcastic. I am cynical. I am annoying.I am good at giving advice but bad at receiving advice. I am a dreamer. I find it hard to love, to trust, but when I do I give everything of myself and expect the same in return.am selfish, but very unselfish with the ones I love. I am self centered but care a lot when it comes to the ones I love.
I am fun once I am comfortable with you. I am exciting when in the right mood.I am a good friend.I am complex.I am confusing.
Thank you all for reading!

WTF

http://video.nytimes.com/video/2009/04/27/world/1194839708301/a-pakistani-underworld.html

unbelievable. A friend showed it to me and I'm still shocked!

A deadly video!

Hijab

Thats how we roll!

'bahir tyre jal rahein hogein. andar hum patients ker rahein hogein'
thats the motto at School.
Things are bad in the city. Very unstable. So any way i came home early and i'm watching the little rascals. Boy i love that movie=)
So if i was in a cool medical school like ziadueen i would be celebrating what these idiots call 't1/2' because i am officially half way through dental school. The feeling has just sunk in. =)
Manchester united won the 1st leg of the semi of the champions league last night against arsenal=). 1-0 thats not much considering it was at home but now arsenal have got to beat manu by 2 clear goals at emirates which they havent done in over 20 years. so things are looking good.
On other sports front. The IPL isn't as much fun as it was last year. there's just something about cricket in the subcontinent. Its electrifying. The crowd. the noise, the music. In southafrica its just another cool cricket fest. Idiots drinking beer and not moving an inch to celebrate every ball like it should be done.
I have just realized what a lame ass post this is=P but who cares. I have nothing to do but sit and watch a movie I have already watched a million times.
Oh and i Didn't go to lahore. Cancelled my ticket at the last minute. I don't know what i was thinking. Oh well I wasn't thinking. All i knew is that I didnt want to go. weird I know.
So anyway yeh that's it. Incase anyone was interested.
I'l try to write more darker unhappy things next time.
Peace

Charlie The Unicorn

Suffocating in doubt, I can't make a sound

I'm feeling very insecure right now and I don't know why. It's like I'm in conflict with myself, and am trying to find ways to be unhappy. I don't like it. I feel worthless and sad and like I want to cry, but I don't because I'm incapable of crying again. I just cleared my 2nd year and I should be jumping with joys but I'm actually unhappy!
I'm feeling needy, like I need some attention from someone. It's weird for me to feel this way, because more often than not I'm very happy in my own company, in my own solitude. I don't often crave attention, but right now I really need it from someone, I need someone to need me. I sound pathetic. I feel pathetic. Only, I can't help but need something, someone right now.

I know I'll snap out of it and feel better soon, but in this moment I feel useless and pathetic

lets delay our misery =)

I got this email a few days ago meaning to paste it here but never got the time! I never knew I was that good a person: p

Every time I read your blog a new person emerges in front of me. I want the world to know how amazing you are, how happy you are even if that’s a mask or a face you put on. You light up a room. You make people around you want to be better people and I can say that with conviction because you make me want to be a better person. I know this is corny even for us but I wanted you and everyone else to know that whatever you write comes from somewhere else. I see you and I see that you are happy. You have a wonderful life, amazing parents and a few good friends. It’s a shame you need a blog to take your frustrations out and bitch about me and other people. You can totally bitch about me on my face because that’s the kind of relationship we have! Since the day I’ve known you you’ve been an awesome friend to me. 22 years of my life and I have not come across someone like you. You have become my best friend in the short time (I say short because you seem to think 3 years is short) I’ve known you. You are selfless, talented, honest, intelligent and above all a good human being. You think people hate you because you speak your mind. That is not true. I agree they hate you but that’s because they envy you and they want to be like you. Who wouldn’t? And the fact that you can say what is in your head is the best quality in you. You don’t lie about what you think or what you feel but I never knew what you really feel you never expressed. All that you write is so dark and I know that’s not how you think of the world. You must still believe that there is good out there. I know school frustrates you because deep down you know you are too good for it. You deserve to be in a better place but sometimes you have got to be a big fish in a small pond, and trust me you are. No one even comes close to you.
Ok that was all the good I’ve ever said to you. I would’ve messaged (: p) our way of doing things but I had a lot to say so I emailed. I worry and i want you to be safe.
Be who you are. Start playing football again because it keeps you happy and sane and bitch if you got something to say about me next time say it on my face!

=) wow.. i really never knew.. i know it seems like I'm bragging or boasting about myself by putting this up but it made me happy and I wanted to put it up. I know a few of my friends read my blog so I want all of you to know. You guys are great. really =) and I am happy. sometimes life pisses you off and people have different ways of getting over it. Mine is to write. ! And i truly believe that the only way to fix it is to flush it away!

I never asked you..but you continued to smile(take 2)

"hey..happy birthday to me"

'oh hey..ummm happy birthday. i hope you have a good day. I thought you weren't a birthday person.'

"well it's always good to get a wish from someone you want a wish from ;)=P"
"what now you won't reply. sweet. I thought we were friends"

'WERE being the key word here.. anyway I'm busy. I hope you had a blast'

"you don't have time for me on my birthday. and whats this crap about were and blah blah. stop being such a girl"

'you dickhead I am a girl' is what I should have replied, but as usual i kept my mouth shut and politely said bye.

Moral of the story: MEN are assholes! Avoid!

Blame it on a saturday!

I'm just reminded of my annoyance and disgust at people and society in my days lately. It's hard to just keep up the friendliness that I've been trying to encourage in myself. Not that I've been particularly unfriendly. No point in spreading that to others. It's frustrating. Mildly. I remember nights.....I remember nights when I was angry, when I was too hot to even feel annoyance or disgust such as I do now, I was too all-consumed in my anger. Just remembering reminds me...reminds me that I still burn, that I'm still as hot as the flames of the bonfire, else I would be dead; I would have ended my life long ago.
What I'm saying is I don't understand people. I feel different from them. I am different from them. Even at the times when I'm most happy, like these last few days, I experience it in inhuman sorts of ways.
Power? What for? I don't want things. Things are things. If I didn't have a computer to write on, to do things on, I'd have a journal and books. If not that, I'd still think it and I'd be lost in my head as I was when I was a child.
Real love, the sort that's beyond words. The love we read of, speak of but never see. I really can't think of anything else that isn't already obvious.
I don't fit in, not even in that stage role. I have no desire to manipulate and twist the people around me.
Hatred, violence, those things don't speak to me. They make me realize the good in me, they make me realize I'm human, I'm alive.

No donuts and lots of waiting for patients

I haven't had donuts in over 3-4 months, which is weird!
Anyho I finally did a class I the other day. '38' it was hell on earth. The guy had hyper salivation and a huge tongue =P which kept getting in the way and shazil is the worst assistant ever. He didn't help with the suction at all. The cavity preparation was easier than filling. I couldn't get proper isolation which meant GIC couldn't be applied and the patient was getting agitated and I finally had to shout at him to keep his tongue in control because handling 2 mirrors and a condenser is not easy!
Yesterday i assisted one of the house officers on an impacted 3rd molar surgery. i got to hold the retracters and the elevators. =D. It was a lot of fun.
And tomorrow we finally have a test on the first 3 chapters of soames so studies have started.
Saru is leaving for la-whore in 2 days. I'm not going to get to see her even on the weekend now. The conference got postponed to 2nd may and we already booked our tickets and I was going to go a little early so me and saru could party but now that is all messed up too.
The result wont come. I don't know when those idiots at KU will get up their ass and do some compiling and release the result!
Champions league tonight. Liverpool vs chelsea and I'm hoping this leg is just as awesome as the 1st one.
And i am climbing the leader board on word challenge on facebook. 6th baby..yeh
so that was the update!

the good..the bad and the ugly!

Lost=writers on crack
School=awesome
Manchester united=ugghhh
scrubs=forced
my recently played list=sex
stomach pains=pain
new twitter thing=annoying
dancing with the stars=forged
new t-shirts=hot
nandos=home
oral surgery department=where dreams are born
operative department=waiting line

=D

Turn 'em back 5 years

We had another one of those BBQ/bitch about people nights =D
It made me realize how fast everything goes. The "Remember when we were in zuby paan shops class and studying neuro for the first time?" was back in October 2007 and it's April 2009 now.
It also made me realize that feeling of a big change hadn't left me quite like I thought it did. It was just taking a break for a bit while I got my affairs in order. Well, it must be impatient because my affairs are still scrambled and it's totally back-lingering on my shoulder reminding me, ever so subtly, that life is going to change. I wish I knew what it was. I have a few feelings, but I can't pin point it to one. Damn, I wish this wasn't so complicated, but then again, complicated is my style these days.
I know 21 is still really young, but it just used to sound so old when I was younger. It's my prime, my youth, the part of my life I was going to cherish, screw up, regret, love, and grow from, and for some reason I feel like if I stay in my current situation, I won't get that.
I never accredited myself much to the basis of running away from my problems but I'm doing it now. Have been for a while now. And it's a damn shame.

Anyho, the BBQ was awesome. we sat in the balcony for hours talking about the most random crap. Then we watched duplicity. Not a bad movie actually. And shazil is a great cook. The food was out of this world. I don't remember eating so much in the recent times =D

The teams going to la-whore for a football tourney organized by LUMS and like always i can't go. Not that i want to considering I don't even play anymore but it's knowing that they are going and playing and all that kills me.
I watched a football match after ages yesterday, it was an amazing match and I hated it, for very obvious reasons of course. So thank you for nothing!

David After Dentist

The good times =)

Today after a very very long time we had an amazing day at school. Me saru and shazil laughed our butts off! Mainly because amby was acting like her usual retarded self. We hardly have any lectures on Friday but today we did and the most funniest possible teachers came. First DR.Muzzi who cried in 1st year when he came to teach us cvs in physio. He's teaching medicine this year and much to our delight. So amby is listening to songs on her cell phone at full volume and i'm sitting 2 seats away from her and i can even hear it so i tell saru to unplug her head phone wire so the music would start blasting from her phone and i don't know what got into saru but she actually did and amby was listening to let it rock.. boy did muzzi get pissed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. then all those 'nawab yaar khan boys' are talking and pointing at him so he gets pissed and goes like 'so your class crosses the lines and the limits sometimes', and i went to shazil dude what does he mean by crosses the limits??? what like we see him in a weird way or touch him in the wrong places? and shazil couldn't control his laughter so he got kicked out of class =P.
Then this new oral path teacher who has thing of saying 'theek hai' after every word literally so i decided to count the times she says 'theek hai' in a 20 minute lecture that woman said 'theek hai' 276 times. unbelievable.
Then we're on break and amby suddenly comes up to us and says "GUYS I LOOK GHOST" and we were literally rolling on the floor laughing.
Then amby tries to crack a joke:
'whats the similarity between pringles and sex?'
i go like man i don't know since I've never had sex.
so amby goes like ohhh like i have. anyway .. once you pop it u cant stop.
and we go like what the??? Lame
so shazil decides to be more lame. ' whats the similarity between Mcdonalds and sex
'i'm loving it ... oh wait better.. whats the similarity between KFC and sex... finger licking good.'
And then shazil got a kick in the nuts from saru!

Aaaa...what a day.. flashback to 1st year when life was all fun and games in the lecture halls!

Twist on the norm.

"we're okay right? like not that yeah we are cause it doesn't matter... The other one where we are actually okay!"

'What makes you say that. Every year on my birthday i get the same message from you.'

"Some regrets never go away i guess."

'What regrets'

"The fact that i couldn't keep our friendship the way it used to be"

'Time does change everything. We can't ever go back to being what we were but now we have a different kind of relationship. I don't know if we're friends or what but you're there and i can't avoid you and i can't let you go.Atleast we are in each others life still'

"that's good to hear.'

I never asked you,but you continued to smile!

So it's not easy to get over someone when you see them ever so often!
It starts with the simplest of things. a joke being cracked or a thing being said and he's the one person you want to rush to and tell it to cause you know he's the only one who'll understand it!

I remember how suddenly my world revolved around him. The urge to talk,message was undeniable.I buried myself with the usual:friends,family,school,football but i couldn't get him out of my head.

I still shrug it away or at least try to, cause like all the other times before I think its just a phase, but it wont go away. I've fallen and i've fallen hard this time!

Ten million things stopped me. i don't know anything about him but my heart makes me think that I've known him for years!

I know it's not going anywhere,leading to no good. he's not the kind to express his feelings neither am I, but I cant stop myself.the feelings bloody good. i haven't felt it in too long.

He said he isn't aware of how good he makes me feel or how good I make him feel. He said he's not ready for it all.

so I wait for fate to take its course.till then the usual script

me,school,friends,football!

Teen auctions virginity for £50k

By VIKKI THOMAS

A TEENAGER is selling her virginity online to pay her college fees – but she has a long way to go before reaching her target of £50,000.

Eighteen-year-old Alina Percea is offering a weekend of unprotected sex but has only drawn bids of £5,000 so far and has just three days to go.

The brunette, from Caracal in Olt county, Romania, posted her advert on a German dating website saying: “I want to meet a gentle, respectful and generous man.

"I have a gynaecologist’s certificate proving I’m a virgin."

Providing the winning bidder has a health certificate showing that he is free of disease, Alina will forgo the use of condoms.

She hopes that through the auction she will meet her HUSBAND.

She said: “I want the first time I have sex to be special so I wouldn’t want it to be a quickie.

“The man who proves the most generous can stay with me for a full weekend but he has to pay for everything if we travel and stay in a hotel.”

I'm still shocked at this. I think i have to stop reading the papers. Specially the international one's. Stupid beyond belief.This is a sad state of affairs.Hopes to meet a husband? what the hell is she talking about!

I write this with some meaning to you..to us!

The one day I miss school all the teachers decide to come on time and we have all the lectures. I mean seriously, talk about bad luck! DR wahab taught everything under the sun related to lesions and ulcers. Dr ashok decided to be nice and actually answer our questions and there was so much I had to ask him. And i missed the surgery. Dr hassan was going to take a sample from this patient with squamous cell carcinoma.
My patient last week had OSF(oral submucous fibrosis) so it was good to scare him and educate him. I got a pat on my back from Dr Wahab for catching it. =D

So anyway crabbing was an adventure and a learning experience of sorts =P. He's out of my life for good. yes all 6 foot 4 inches of him! He made me feel sea sick which is quite a skill to have .. ok given we were on sea but still. I never feel sea sick! While games were being played... hearts screwed.. I can say that I understood his nature but yet at the same time fell victim to it. But that was then. This is now and now I will be over him!

Stupid allergies of mine.. I'll be getting IgG shots every week and I'll be starting montelukast(anti leukotriene) from today. I feel like an old woman taking so many medicines every morning.

Oral Cancer Risk Factors and Diagnosis

Oral Cancer Risk Factors and Diagnosis
Warning symptoms and accurate tests make it easier to find oral cancer early on.
By Chris Iliades, MD
Medically reviewed by Kevin O. Hwang, MD, MPH


About 35,000 people are diagnosed with oral cancer every year , which is roughly 2 percent of all cancers. Men are more than twice as likely to get oral cancer as women, and African-American men have a higher risk than any other Americans.

"Risk factors for lip and oral cancer include excessive sun exposure, tobacco, and excessive alcohol use," says Scott McLean, MD, director of the head and neck cancer program at Henry Ford Hospital in Detroit.

Oral cancer starts in the cells that line the inside of the mouth, and can form on the lips, inside the cheeks, on the gums, the tongue, the bony palate, or the surfaces underneath the tongue. "Lip and oral cancer can occur on any surface lining the lips and oral cavity," explains Dr. McLean.

Oral Cancer Symptoms to Watch
Be aware of these signs; any of them can be an early oral cancer symptom:

* A sore in the mouth that doesn't heal
* A lump or mass in the mouth or in the neck
* Bleeding in the mouth
* White, red, or white-and-red patches in the mouth that don't go away
* Pain while swallowing, chewing, or talking, or pain felt in the ear
* Difficulty swallowing
* Difficulty wearing dentures

The most important thing to know is that oral cancer can be treated much more easily and successfully when caught early. "Many patients do not seek treatment until a lump in the neck develops, which is an indication that the cancer has spread to the lymph nodes in the neck," notes McLean. If you have any of the above symptoms lasting for more than two weeks, see your doctor immediately.

Oral Cancer: Making the Diagnosis
"Diagnosis is made using physical exam, CT scan, and biopsy. Sometimes the biopsy can be done in the office, but patients may require a surgical procedure to take an adequate sample," says McLean. To decide where to take a sample from your mouth, your doctor may use a special dye called toluidine blue, which stains oral cancer cells blue. The doctor may also use special lighting to examine suspicious areas in the mouth and pinpoint the affected tissue. Another option is a brush biopsy. During this procedure, the doctor scrapes cells from the mouth with a brush and then views them under a microscope.

In the future, a simple kind of saliva test might be used to find oral cancer even earlier. According to a study published in 2008 in the journal Clinical Cancer Research, certain kinds of protein biomarkers are found in the saliva of people with oral cancer. The researchers collected saliva samples from 64 healthy people and 64 people with oral cancers. They found the biomarkers in the saliva of 93 percent of the oral cancer patients.

Not smoking and avoiding heavy use of alcohol are the best ways of preventing oral cancer. Knowing oral cancer symptoms and signs is important for detecting the disease early. Remember to always see your doctor or dentist if any possible oral cancer symptoms last for more than two weeks.

Happy Birthday to me!

I hate to say this.. but I think I'm going to have to stop being so Emo here. It portrays me a this depressing suicidal person and yesterday i realized I'm not.
I am in a great school. I finish top of my class. I have awesome friends and the most loving parents ever. Yes they might go a little crazy but who doesn't. I finally saw the light at the end of the tunnel. It took one ummm no two crazy drunken parties and an insane and completely drunk shehrish to make me realize that. So yeah I've decided that Overall, I am going to love my life. Some parts are really stressful.. but I'm going to take deep breaths and let it pass before I rush off and find something that would kill off the anxiety. I'm going to ignore the thoughts in my mind and calm my soul when the madness arises. No more drinking to kill the pain, no more doping to give someone company.
It's just nice to step back and think every once in awhile... and when I really think about it, life isn't all that horrible and mean and nasty. There is good in this world, you just have to look for it and hold onto it.
I always took it wrong when people told me I've changed. I always thought that I was at fault.Well here's the honest truth. I grew up.People said I've changed so much. well here's the honest truth. I grew up.I learned that you can't always be happy. I accepted reality. And i accepted that life isn't all fun and games.
So here's to going back to being me!

Manchester United have been rocked by their defeat to Liverpool.

England defender Ferdinand said: "We have got a rude awakening.
Even though it was the biggest home defeat since 1992 I still believe Manchester United are on course for winning the premier league. Not only the premier league but the rest of the 4 titles. It could be a memorable season.

letter to the editor!

We the students of *********** are extremely agitated at the unethical, unhygienic and unprofessional working conditions in the hospital. We are being charged excessively in the names of materials which are not being provided to us. Not only are this but the materials which are being supplied are of no use to us because those procedures aren’t required to be carried out by us at that level. Adding more to our frustration is the fact that we are being asked to bring our own gloves and masks which are the basic requirements for infection control and a basic necessity for anyone working in a hospital.
To top the list is the fact that it is also the only hospital in Karachi which does not pay its house officers. Nepotism and favoritism is being practiced.
Apart from all of this we are being asked to pay the tuition fee 2 years I advance. And upon refusing to do so we weren’t given our mark sheets and students weren’t allowed to attend lectures.
A few years back the graduating students were also asked to pay for their degree and PMDC recognition. This is highly unacceptable as the degree is to be provided by the college which they receive from Karachi University.
We request the chief minister Sindh, Governor Sindh and minister of education and all relevant authorities to look into this matter.

Expect another...and more and more and more..

"If I was in her place I'd be more insulting, I'd be even more rude!"
'Don't say that, You don't have a right to shout at her because of this silly stupid girl, I said with my eyes welling up!'
"do not cry in front of me, it doesn't matter to me so talk to me like a normal sane person or get out of my face."
'I don't even want to talk to you right now, but i wont stand for this anymore, you aren't home all day and you cant home at night and judge my mother, stay home and see how she talks to her all day'
"Yes, Now that's what i get for busting my ass all day and working for you guys!"
'no one told you to work, its your own choice..you have made me more sad and made me cry more than anyone can in the past 2 years. I don't know what to do anymore to make you happy or to grab your attention, I've done it all and I've tried it all, i cant do this anymore. You have no control anymore and i wont do anything according to what makes you happy or what makes you proud because nothing works!'
" well you have disappointed me more than anyone ever could.don't pull this emotional crap on me. I'm dam tired of you and your stupid routines"

My father's stern voice caught me when we both admitted I'm going nowhere and I can't get there. This mood is taxing to me.
I can't be held guilty for every situation that has unfolded.God damn it I wish he could hear me, see me , see what I can make and I will prove to him that I am worth something!

But that was all yesterday today I'm filled with guilt, my broken promises and the way I acted out, the total drunken mood swings of depression, the disability of freedom and the reckless abandon that I was nothing more than a jerk.
His decisions never made sense but I have grown and learned to respect them!

The mail il never send

25 Reasons i miss you!

1. How much fun we used to have together.
2. Discussing football
3. Watching football together
4. Making useless bets
5. Laughing at your family stories
6. Lost!
7. Spanish football
8. Hating the Italians =D
9. Bowling =)
10. Listening to you talk about cars and your driving experience =)
11. Awesome guitar music =)
12. Predictions =)and how i was always right
13. Late night conversations.
14. Beach football=)
15. Bloopers on you tube and being in tears from laughing so hard!
16. You telling me how I'm the 1st girl your this close too.
17. Random coffee dates!
18. Whining about school and counting down the days till we graduate.
20. opera music=P
21. Car with the screens =P
22. CCD!
23. 'Are you high'? "God know but I'd kill for some right now". 'What seriously'. "I gotta go" =P
24. Australian open
25. 'Get me Jose's scarf next time'

I know that you let go of our friendship, and I am trying my hardest to let go too. But everyday I find one thing, at least, that reminds me of you. I'm sorry things got so fucked up between us.

I Want to be a mess

I’m so fucked up it’s not even funny, I can’t breathe and I feel like I’m drowning, in myself at that.I feel like I can’t feel.That doesn’t make sense.I need it to make sense. I’m afraid for it to make sense; I’m afraid to feel. I’m afraid to be vulnerable, afraid to show weakness, afraid to take a chance. I’d rather just imagine it all and let it end in my head before it even begins.It’s all so depressing.
It’s a helpless and desperate feeling – running out of excuses.
I know it's real because I'm starting understand the whole missing someone when you talk all the time on a whole new level.

On top of all this school is tiring. Hell tiring. FJDC Monday through Saturday is too much. It's too dam much. Stupid clinics all day long. Dealing with idiots. Pretending we know everything when we don't. Doing the same dam thing everyday. Another complaint – a rant... but honestly, I can't see all the good in the routine I have. Wake up, study, sit all day waiting for patients and then pray for something to materialize that will grab my attention.

I need a hobby... I need a desire, I need you, I need you in my life or I need out of here...

Just for laughs

Saru and Me were discussing how excited we are to see each other after a week =P

Me: yeh i know I'm so excited i finally get to see you tomorrow.
Saru: yeh so what are you planning on wearing for me?
Me: a lab coat. =D
Saru: and underneath that...=P
Me: I'll leave that to your imagination!
Saru: see i knew it. I had a feeling. Changed groups different timings. You've fallen for one of those cheap slutty house officers
Me: How have i changed. I'm trying to maintain the spice in our relationship =P
Saru: jee nai. I had a feeling and now i know its all true.
Me: who told you. it was one of amby's spy's right. I knew it, i just knew it=P
Saru: I dont need someone to keep an eye on you. i can sense when your behavior changes towards me!
Me: And how must i keep myself sane thinking about you and amby all alone at 'the ot'.It's all your fault. You drove me towards those cheap slutty house officers. You left me with no choice. I had to prove I'm better than you when it comes to choosing weird cheap people!
Saru: yeh so why don't you go for them
Me: that's easy its because you are so hot...hahahhahaha.. arite enough gayness. whats up.

So that is just one example of our dose of daily gayness! =P hahahahha..chucks says its because we are crazy. and then he always has sick thoughts about us. hahahahahhahaha

Muahahahahahahaha
I did my first ultrasonic scaling today..God it felt good =P
the before and the after and the patient was so satisfied..he had so many god dam stains and he came to get them cleaned because he was getting married...hahahaha he actually called me Doctor.
This calls for a celebration. =D
So anyway i read this quote somewhere and I think its wonderful so:

"our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
actually, who are you not to be?
we were born to manifest the glory of god that is within us.
and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same"
marianne williamson

Weird place, even weirder people

So the 1st week was eventful. I finally got to know how it feels to be a dentist. Its a pain in your back!
I did 2 hand scalings which was pretty gross. I could not have ever in my life imagined people have such bad oral hygiene. It was just sick. But then we had the funny weird patients to keep us entertained. Michall's patient went to sleep while she was doing the scaling. =P And when she asked him how many packs do you smoke in a day because she saw the pack in his packet the idiot said 'i don't smoke doctor sahiba i juts keep them in my pocket!' Imagine.
Yet another patient came with grossly carious teeth and horrific stains. So this house officer asked him to quit smoking because then the scaling wont be any good and that it was harming his teeth aswell. He spoke back to her and said 'i smoke so much, meray keeray to jal jaana chahye'
That was like the height of it.
So yeh all in all not all that bad so far!

Now i know how it feels to have your privacy invaded and being forced to talk about crap you dont want to talk about.
So anyway 3rd year so far. blah. boring
Michall did her 1st hand scaling today and she rocked it=) we behaved like geeks and retards and tookpictures of her giving her 1st prescriptions=P hahahahaha but she was so happy about it. Other than that yeh not bad.
Now that we've been divided in groups i dont meet anyone except the 13 people in your group. And thankgod i have sane people like chucks and michall and akhrot and shazil. so yeaa. it wont be that bad=). Its actually fun to be facing patients and feeling like doctors. Chucks volunteered to be my 1st patient so i reciprocated=P i dont trust him to do my scaling but fine whatever. =P im being a good friend =P
champions league today. Manutd vs Inter milan.knock out stages. yessss=) another fun night and yet another night when i wont sleep=P

A new beginning

AAaaaaaaa
3rd Year starts tomorrow.
Lets see how this one goes down!

Precocious puberty I tell you.

Baby-faced boy Alfie Patten is father at 13



http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/article2233878.ece

Misplaced agression

I'm so tired of all the bitching I've been doing lately. But that's really how i feel.

I can't ever feel more alone. I honestly cant. I thought this year would be better. I'm hanging my head and I'm dreaming, I'm dreaming and I'm wishing. I'm a wreck.
I'm sick of all these times, all these let downs. I don't want to go back to school because it'll just hurt more. I don't want to look around and not see the familiar faces. I don't want to be buried under those expectations again. I don't want to mingle with people who aren't my friends, I fucking don't. I cant and I don't want to.

This is crazy to admit. I lost it all. I gave it my all. My magic is gone.
I don't even know where the fuck all this is coming from!

Basic Thinking Breakdown

Alright, I have a plan. OK, no I don't, but I need one. I don't know why I'm thinking so much into the future these days!
How to deal with this sort of situation? I don't know what's causing it. I'm sure my being really upset lately has something to do with it, but that's not something that I can just snap my fingers and fix. And perhaps the lack of sleep has something to do with it too. So how do I deal with THAT? I can't.I can't do it alone and I'm going to be damned if I talk to ANYONE about it.
I don't want to talk about it. I probably shouldn't even be writing it, knowing at least two of my friends and one very random person but someone i adore reads this. Eh..who cares, this has been on my mind pretty heavily.

I think I need to find a way to get more rest. This is really bad for me.

my 25

Im not pathetic enough to do this on facebook but i am pathetic enough to write it here!

1. I was a bully as a kid
2. I hate where i am
3. I love taking care of myself but never find time to do so
4. I can proudly say I have the most loving parents and I have many reasons to say this
5. I am impatient like a 5 yr old waiting to open her Christmas gift
6. I want to adopt kids
7. I have always been considered the clown in my family and friends
8. Though it puts me off when I see people getting married, a part of me wishes to have my own family someday
9. I don't trust people
10. I believe a man will fuck anything that moves, even some women will
11. I have been a french fries freak way before I was born
12. I used to have weird dreams as a kid of a tiger around our garden. Weird
13. I can do anything for those that I love, be it my friends or family but once they mind fuck me, I will not even turn around and spit on them (esp my friends)
14. I love being harsh and sarcastic, because that's the only way I can be nice
15. I am an excellent multi-tasker and I know it
16. I love my country very much, but
17. I hate its people
18. joined the second worst major when it comes to social life
19. tend to put my heart into everything i do
20. start of things with the intention of finishing them, but i never do
21. can be very immature
22. I am anything, but ordinary
23. Trying to quit
24. Want to live in australia
25. freak about TV shows

The life I know; isn't what I knew.

Your told many things as a child to listen and choose right from wrong, in everything you do! Well what if you believe in things that are not truly explainable? not acceptable by the rights of the "holy"? Forgive me but I believe I am allowed to feel and believe in what I feel is right. We don't always do what we are told; now do we?

I truly believe it is not a crime to do what makes you happy. But also while you do it your way, don't forget that there is a higher power and to welcome them into your life.
I believe in many things and see things differently then most.......Does that make me an outcast a non-believer?
Well I don't seem to to think so.

Here and there...

We went for a drive today. To our place, after a very long time it was the four of us.
'M' stopped the car for like 5 minutes and i don't know what it was but i starting thinking. Not that i'm not always thinking =P
I wondered what the future held for me,if my dreams would come true or not,If I'd end up being somebody influential and important ,if couple of years down the road would I still find such a peaceful moment with someone i love,would I still be loved as much by my closed ones down the road? I don't know how long I kept thinking and being mesmerized by all of this and i probably would've been there all night and deep in thought had my friend not nudged me out of it!

I told that to chucks and he said it was the weed talking! But I honestly hadn't ever felt so calm and so good ever! And i know it wasn't the weed talking!

So all in all good day today! just came back from M's place it was his birthday today! now everyone i know is 21! not that it matters but still.

'Keep laughing until it's not funny anymore'...That is until something comes out of left field and takes your fucking jaw!

Mr. whatever, I like you!

It's funny how random things can trigger a person to tears. There's always that one thing that makes you want to cry, and it's always that one thing that you can't avoid.

It’s odd how emotional I’ve started to get. I grew up with my dad telling me I was soft whenever I cried so I hate to let people see me cry, and when I feel like I do have to cry I hold it all back because I don’t want to seem like I have a soft spot. . I laugh, that’s about the only real emotion I show, I think. The thing is I’m not even sure if I’m purposely putting on this emotionless front or whether it’s just become second nature.

on the other hand this boy situation is getting worse and worse. I hate that I'm talking to him again. Even if its just random football shit it goes on for hours and that feeling comes back again. he's not to blame but the thing is that he's the first guy after so so long that makes me want to close the distance.. and that's what kills me. I hate it when he makes me smile and think about stuff other than my shitty life... but I can't have it, I can't have him, I can't have any of it right now... maybe I've just been holding on to something which isn't there!

Full of nothing!

I have never felt this empty. I was just lying there in bed and i never felt this empty, So full of nothing!
I just got done with 2nd year finals a day before and I should be celebrating but all i can think about is 3rd year books and instruments and teachers and schedules and groups and i feel so dismantled. I was wondering if I'm the only one who was thinking so much into it and why the hell is everyone else so fucking calm.
I felt so lonely, felt like i had a shortage of friends! everyone i know is busy hooking up, getting married or doing something or the other and here i am just doing nothing!
I think I'm going to die alone watching football or complaining about it!
When the hell did life get so fucking complicated.I'm still in shock. Someone get me out of this state of shock. I need to prepare myself for more unexpected turns coming my way. I should have known better than to assume that it was all coming to a settlement for all of us.
I’m not laughing anymore. I’m so so afraid. That’s totally new to me. I'm totally new to me =(

me being sappy =P

I felt like writing a little something about all the great and not so great friends I have. So here goes…

Anum: it’d be unfair if I didn’t begin with her. I have known this girl since 4th grade and man she’s been there since forever! She talked to me, listened to me, made me laugh, let me cry when I wanted to and made everything seem so much better by all that she said. Thanks for being there. . I’ll have to write way too much to say how much she means to me. She knows how much she means to me and that’s enough... I love you woman. And your here there left right and centre every time I need u. I don’t know how we got around to being this close but you’ve cheered me at times when nobody could!

Hina: is next on my list. Ive known her for about 5 years for now. We’ve done every possible thing together. Yes. Literally. We always claimed and were proud of the fact that we had never fought. Well, it was ALMOST so let’s forget about that one time and still pretend that never happened. I have to thank her for always inquiring about me and keeping track of how things were with me. I hope u always stay happy :) and thanks for caring so bloody much!

Shahzeem: with whom I’ve shared the weirdest relationship possible. Every moment spent, every fight, everything said and not said is special to me... I won’t say more. I just want you to know that there’s unconditional and oh yes platonic love here... and will continue to be because what I’ve shared with you is no random bond. It’s always going to stay special. And I don’t know how I deal with myself or just simply stay normal without talking to u every day.

Hussain: I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry about how things turned out and I’m sorry for being how I was. The fun times we spent together were nothing but fun. And extremely memorable! You know me and understand me better than anyone in this world. You’re there for me when I need u. thanks for it all and I WILL miss you. And I do miss you every friggin day!

Natasha: we lost it together and said crazy stuff to each other and talked all day all night. Those times were a hell lot of fun. Whatever may happen and however weird things might get. I love you loads and loads. And will always always always love u and be there for u all the time. Whenever the hell you need me!

Zain: is another one I would like to mention cause without him and his yet to be understood sense of humor cracked me up at times when I really needed to crack up. I want to thank him for listening to me and speak over what I’m saying, to explain things to me in your own way, to make me listen to your speeches and to piss me off but make up in the cutest of ways. It’s hard to believe that I’ve only known u for only 2 years. But that just shows that there’s no 'old new friends' thing. It’s about how much a person means to you. And what all you go through with the person. And your constant support and being there has meant the world to me.

Same goes for zia. After knowing him for quite a while, I came across a whole new person who changed my way of thinking and looking at things. Who was positive and optimistic and taught me how to be the same and who made the last year more amazing than anything. From talking all the time and now spending so much time together, I’ve realized what you’re actually like.

Ambreen,amber,ayesha and shazil: we hardly spent that much time together but the time we did spend together was fun and I hope it continues to be that way!

Sarah: for being excited about everything happening in my life. Remembering all the important occasions and and everything. The times we've spent together, good AND bad are just too memorable. We’ve been through too much together but in the end it’s worth it. You are or were or are one of my best friends and I can’t imagine the past 2 years of my life without you =) i know you’re difficult sometimes and we have different ways of thinking and I don’t get how we have been getting along for all these years but I do get that u mean a lot to me.. And always will because we've spent all these years, have talked endlessly and have become like family. We don't always agree with each other but we think more alike than most people do and u were there for me every time I did or didn’t ask for u to be there. So thank you!

Dino: lime slushie,kung fu panda,denise,chutia, ur names are endless and regardless of the fact that i dont know know you having known u for about 4 years the times me u and hina have spent always bring a smile to my face. They have been nothing but pure happiness. U make me laugh with ur fucked up stories ur endless talks about peeing and shit. my life would be colourless without knowing you!